When it finally stopped I brushed my teeth and rinsed with mouthwash again and again and again and my mouth was burning from all of it. I spent…I don’t know how long… rinsing, gagging, coughing, rinsing, spitting, gagging and choking some more. I towel dried my hair for a few minutes before my arms started to ache and then I stepped out into the bedroom. It was dark but I could see that Tommy was in the bed on his usual side, facing my direction. I sat on the edge, dropped the towel and climbed in beside him. He sat up and pulled a clean-smelling t-shirt over my head, then once my arms were in the holes he passed me an opened bottle of water and said, “Drink.”
I drank about half of it and then put the bottle down on the table beside the bed. He immediately pulled me to his chest and held me tight. I felt his hands in my hair and his lips on my forehead. I touched his cheek and it felt wet. Was it from the bath? I felt a drip hit my finger. Oh my God…he was shedding tears for me.
I started to cry again and he held me tighter, “What did they do to you, baby? Tell me. Then you’ll never have to talk about it again,” his voice sounded a bit strangled.
I started to sob. There were no tears left in my burning eyes and my throat hurt from all the sobbing and throwing up. He waited, rubbing his hand up and down my back and then he squeezed my shoulder reassuringly. After what felt like forever I finally regained enough composure to speak, “The guy who drove the car from your house, he forced himself into my my m-mouth. Earl shot him for it before the guy could f-finish.” I felt him tense up but he didn’t say anything. He just squeezed me closer, “It happened just before they drove me to you. That’s the only…the only thing,” I finished off.
“No one, no one will ever ever again…” he started and it sounded like he was saying it through gritted teeth. But he didn’t finish, he just pulled me even tighter against him.
I fell asleep on top of him, our bodies pressed together and for the first time, he wasn’t hard, wasn’t plotting one of his games to get inside of me. Rescuing me, cradling me, washing the filth off me, holding me while I cried, and shedding tears for me --- that got him inside of me in a different way.
** ** **
When I woke up, I jackknifed up, out of breath. Then I realized where I was. Well, I didn’t know where I was, exactly, but he was still beside me so I settled down. He was laying there looking at me. He pulled me to him and his mouth touched the top of my head. He looked exhausted, like he still hadn’t even slept. He still looked rough, too, with the shiner I’d given him, bruised lip, and the scratches still on his face.
I settled my head against his chest and closed my eyes, trying to tell my heart to settle down. The sun was up and the room was filled with light. I looked around. It was a pretty bedroom with a white ruffled lace bedspread on the white wicker framed double bed. The whole room was white and filled with white wicker furniture. It kind of went with last night’s whole baptismal theme. The only splash of color was a vase of fresh pink, yellow, and orange daisy-like flowers on the dresser and a big green empty rucksack beside a black suitcase opened and sitting on a big wicker rocking chair. I could see it was filled with my clothes and his clothes. I closed my eyes and focused on the steadiness of his heartbeat feeling strange, feeling cared for.
“You should sleep a bit longer. We got in really late,” he said, smoothing my hair behind my ear.
I nodded, thinking he was right, because those days in that basement I think I only slept 20 winks at a time, but a few minutes later it was probably obvious that I wasn’t falling back to sleep right now. I was laying on him staring off into space and he pulled away and was staring at me. He took my hand in his and pulled it toward him and kissed each knuckle. Then he leaned over a little and took a phone off the nightstand and dialed a number, “Hey. Need breakfast. Can you have her put it outside the door? Tell her to knock when she brings it but no disturbing us. Ask my brother what time the flight is.” He held the phone for a minute and then said, “Right.” Then he hung up.
I went to move away, thinking he was getting up but his grip tightened and he didn’t let me go. He buried his nose into my hair and squeezed and we stayed there for another few minutes just holding one another until a noise outside the door and then a brief knocking on the door startled me. I think I must’ve jumped two feet at the noise.
He got up, walked to the suitcase in his underwear and got into a clean pair of army green colored cargos, and then stepped into the hall. I got up with the duvet wrapped around me and leaned over the suitcase and pulled out some underwear, a bra, a pair of jean shorts, and a t-shirt that had been packed for me. I glanced in the top flap of the suitcase and there was a toiletry bag as well with some of my makeup, hairbrush, deodorant, razor, manicure tool kit, and my own toothbrush. There were two other changes of clothes and two pairs of shoes --- a pair of my sneakers and my leather flip flops.
I took an armful of things into the bathroom to get dressed and try to make myself presentable. As I passed the door I saw his guns and knife on the nightstand. He came back in with a big covered breakfast-in-bed type tray. I got dressed, brushed my hair, brushed my teeth, and washed my face.
When I came back out he was sitting on the bed tapping away at his phone. I sat down. He wandered into the bathroom and came back out wearing the khaki t-shirt I’d slept in. He looked at me warmly, “Eat something, baby.”
I smiled a little and nodded. I lifted the tray’s lid and there was an assortment of fruit, muffins, pastries, bage
ls, and butter, cream cheese, and jam. There was also a carafe of coffee, milk, sugar, and a jug of orange juice. My stomach rumbled loudly.
“Coffee?” I asked him.
“Yes please.”
I remembered he took cream, no sugar, due to Sarah’s sugar weaning. Me? I was having 3 sugars today. There were things in life that were far more evil than sugar.
I passed him a cup, my hand trembling a little. I moved the suitcase onto the floor and sat on the wicker chair and looked out the window. We were in a woodsy area so, really, the only thing to look at was the trees.
“I’m putting you on a plane in a few hours with Dare,” he said, not looking up at me, “I’ll be taking care of a few things and then I’ll be home later tonight or maybe early tomorrow.”
“Okay.” I said.
Then he looked up and while I was still looking out the window I could see that he was watching me. He watched me for a long time. I didn’t look in his eyes because I was afraid of what I’d see. I knew in my gut that he was sticking around for revenge reasons. He cleared his throat, “I need to go downstairs and organize a few things. You okay for a bit?”
I nodded, glancing in his direction and then back at the floor. I felt scrutinized, uncomfortable; there was this intensity coming off him that was making my heart race.
“You’ll eat?”
I nodded again.
He leaned over and kissed me softly on the lips and then he leaned down and got into his boots, rolled up his pant leg, and then grabbed the holster and fastened it and put the gun in it. He put the sheathed knife into his combat style boots. The other gun went into the back of his waistband and then he left the room. I felt like I was going to cry again but I didn’t. I was sort of surprised he’d kissed me like that, maybe feeling like my mouth was an unclean place because of what I’d told him last night. I felt my heart tug at the idea that I was wrong.
Why did he rescue me? Why didn’t he just leave me here? And why was the fact that he’d kissed me so touching to me?
Tommy