“That was…” I paused and tried to find the right adjective, but amazing didn’t seem to do justice to what had transpired.
Donovan kissed the top of my head. “The beginning. It was just the beginning.”
CHAPTER 29
* * *
Autumn
Sex without an emotional connection could be physically fulfilling, but truly having feelings for someone brought things to a whole new level—a place I’d forgotten even existed, or maybe I’d never actually ever known.
After Donovan went down on me, we laid on the couch talking for a long time. I traced the outline of one of the smaller, black-and-white tattoos on his arm.
“Is there a reason all your tattoos are black and white?”
He shrugged. “I got the first few that way, and I guess I just haven’t felt like any new ones needed to stand out more than the others.”
“Does this one have any special meaning?”
It was a small bird closed into a birdcage.
“I got it when I was sixteen. It pretty much summed up the way I was feeling back then. I felt like that bird.”
“I didn’t realize you could get tattoos that young.”
“You can get anything in the old neighborhood. Might not be in a shop that has a license, but a lot of guys tattoo out of their houses.”
“Oh.”
Donovan smiled and stroked my hair. “Not how it’s done in Old Greenwich, Connecticut?”
I chuckled. “Probably not.” I rubbed my finger over the lonely little bird. “I think I can relate to this guy, too. Except you felt like you were locked in by your environment. I locked myself in voluntarily the last six years. To be honest, I even struggled with sex. I thought I was broken,” I said.
Donovan tilted my chin to look up at him. “What do you mean?”
“I couldn’t have an orgasm the way I just did. I only had them during actual sex, and only if I was on top.”
Donovan frowned. “You needed to keep control. That’s understandable.”
“But I don’t want that with you. Will you promise me something?”
“Anything.”
“Don’t treat me like glass.”
His brows furrowed. “Is that what you think I just did? Having you ride my face was treating you like you’re fragile?”
I smiled. “No, definitely not. But you were hesitant at the beginning, and we had a conversation where you asked what was off limits.”
“You’d made some rules, Autumn. I’ve been tiptoeing around, trying not to break them.”
“Exactly—exactly what you just said. Tiptoeing. I don’t want you to feel like you need to do that. It took me a while to get here because I was scared, but I’m here now, and I don’t want you to hold anything back anymore.”
He studied my face. “Are we talking emotionally or sexually?”
“Both.”
His thumb caressed my cheek. “So it’s okay to tell you I’m head over heels for you? That I think about you all day long, and that my entire life lacked purpose until the day I met you? That you give me a purpose in life, and that’s to make you happy?”
I almost couldn’t breathe. Donovan flashed a boyish grin. “Too much?”
I shook my head. “No, it’s not too much. You just caught me by surprise is all.”
He smiled. “Okay.”
“And sexually, too. Don’t hold back. I mean it. I want the edge you had with me that weekend we were together, before you knew what had happened to me. It’s hard for me to admit, but you can be sort of bossy when we fool around, and I actually really love it.”
A wicked grin spread across his face. “Oh yeah? You like me bossy in bed?”
I rolled my eyes. “Don’t let it go to your head. Lord knows your ego is big enough.”
Donovan shifted us on the couch so I was now on my back, and he lay on his side. He helped slip the rest of my clothing off before tracing an imaginary line from my collarbone to my breast, up and over my nipple, and down to my navel before following the same path back up to my mouth. He tapped my bottom lip. “So…no limits, then?”
Our eyes met, and I shook my head.
I watched as the light blue of his eyes darkened again. “So putting you down on your knees with your hair wrapped in my hands and fucking your face? That’s okay?”
I swallowed. Jesus. I was getting turned on just thinking about it, so I nodded.
“Nice.”
His hand again traveled down to my breasts, and he pinched my nipple hard before rubbing between my cleavage. “And sitting on your chest while I slide my cock in and out of here and coming on your neck? That’s okay, too?”
I swallowed again, but nodded.
“Beautiful.” Donovan’s hand dipped down to between my legs. I was already wet, but he ran his fingers up and down, spreading the moisture before gently slipping a finger inside.
I gasped and arched my back.