Aunt V had forgiven Hades for whatever pain he’d caused me the second he brought me back. She hadn’t said so in words, but if she hadn’t forgiven him, there would’ve been a lot of words. We sat with her, letting her lead the conversation while she cooked us breakfast. I was so tired I could’ve fallen over, but I knew that Aunt V needed this, so I leaned heavily against Hades as I ate. He ate one-handed, palm still resting on my thigh as if it was glued there. Eventually, Aunt V saw through the grief and worry, registering my exhaustion, the thick tension between Hades and me. She ushered us into my bedroom, telling us she had a gym class to get to and wouldn’t be back for hours.
Hades closed the door quietly, with a gentleness I hadn’t seen from him the entire night. There was still blood on his knuckles. He didn’t turn to face me straight away, keeping his back to me as if he couldn’t handle looking at me. As if he couldn’t face me.
I was grateful for it. For his back. For a moment to contemplate the familiar cut and try to regain some courage. He hadn’t given me enough time, though. I still didn’t have enough courage, enough oxygen.
Hades didn’t look familiar. There was something different about his face. Something about the way he held himself as he just stood there, almost plastered to the door, staring at me.
He didn’t have enough courage either. Hades was scared.
Hades.
Something about that made it all melt away. The months. The pain. The details of it all. I crossed the distance between us quickly, then without hesitating, I threw my arms around his neck and pressed my body to his. My body relaxed as I drowned in his scent, as his warmth seeped into my bones.
He didn’t hesitate either, his arms encircling me the second I touched him. It was a relief to know that despite everything we didn’t have right now, despite everything we had to figure out, we still had this.
We stood there for a long time, hugging. It was strange. I didn’t think I’d simply hugged Hades ... ever. Not without his hand in my hair or his lips on my neck. It felt like the most intimate thing we’d ever done, despite all of the very intimate things he’d done to me.
Eventually, it had to end. There was a small swell to my belly that was pressing into his flat abs. Small but it took up the entire room. It filled up all of the cracks we had inside of us.
Hades put his hands on my shoulders, pushing me back gently. Even more gently than he had closed the door.
My breath emptied from my lungs as his eyes locked on mine, as I searched the angles and the ridges of his face, tracing his full lips with my eyes. His lips didn’t part, he didn’t speak. Instead, he moved a hand from my shoulder and placed it down on my belly. His hand spanned the entire bump, covering our baby with his bloodstained palm.
We both froze as a very small and very determined foot kicked against his palm.
I’d never seen Hades open his eyes so wide, never seen his expression change so dramatically. I’d never seen them filled with marvel.
“Was that?” his voice was croaky, rough, full of holes.
It was the first time I’d heard him speak words that weren’t reinforced with iron.
“The baby,” I whispered. “That was the first time she’s done that.”
His hand twitched on my shoulder, the only movement in his entire body.
“She?” His words were even more ragged this time.
I nodded. “I found out three weeks ago.”
“A girl,” he breathed.
“Our girl,” I corrected, my heart beating in my throat.
“Our girl,” he repeated.
Then, I saw something I’d never thought I’d see in my life.
A tear ran down the porcelain cheek of the man I loved. A tear for our daughter. For us. A tear that said everything that I knew he couldn’t say.
I fell asleep naked in his arms that night.
We’d showered together, the tiny shower stall barely holding us, but that was fine since neither of us wanted any distance of any sort. Blood ran quickly down the drain then disappeared. Hades soaped up and washed every inch of me. He must’ve spent three times as long on my belly as he did anywhere else. He was fascinated with it, captivated by the small bump.
We stayed in there until the water ran cold, then Hades got me out, wrapped me in a towel and dried me like I was a child. We both fell into the bed.
We didn’t have sex; we just fell asleep holding each other.
I woke up to his lips at my neck, his fingers parting my legs. Still half asleep, I opened for him, completely.