Seth nodded. “Yes, and like all people, especially a child, she occasionally had fantasies about what it would be like to run . . . to flee all the hurt and fear. A part of her envied her father for being able to walk away from all that heartache. Because she had those natural longings once in a while, a small part of her identified with him.”
Everett’s throat tightened. He shut his eyes. It wasn’t fair. How could such a unique, lovely woman like Joy be forced to struggle and suffer so much?
“Joy doesn’t believe that you can’t handle things, Everett,” Seth said quietly. “She doesn’t want you to have to handle it. In her own words, she wouldn’t wish what she endured on her worst enemy, let alone you.”
Everett cursed softly.
“She feels she never had a choice in the matter. She was a child, a dependent, while Alice was sick for all those years. She’s afraid that if the choice had ever been given to her as an adult, like it was her father, she’d choose as he did. She wouldn’t, of course. Not in a million years. Joy loves very deeply. There were plenty of times I had to pull her away from her mother’s bedside because she was half dead with exhaustion. It’s her self-doubt, her fears, that are at the heart of things.”
“And so she keeps people away. She’s taking away the necessity for people like me or you to choose to be with her, in health or in suffering,” Everett said starkly, understanding bringing a heavy wave of sadness along with it.
Seth nodded. “I think it’s both—she feels guilty for subjecting others to her condition. She also, in her own way, is protecting the people she cares about from having to make the choice of being with her or not.”
Everett closed his eyes and felt the burn. “Part of her hates herself for understanding Jake’s need to escape.”
“Yes,” Seth said heavily.
“Why are you telling me all this, Seth?” Everett asked after a long pause.
“Because Joy only opened up to me, she only told me what’s been in her heart all these years, when I suggested that she speak to you about her cancer. I saw how passionate she was—how desperate—for you not to know. She wanted to protect you at all costs.”
“How will I convince her that I would choose to be with her, no matter what happens?”
“I don’t know. I don’t even know if it’s possible.”
Everett looked at him incredulously.
“The only thing I know is that I haven’t been able to get through to her so far. Perhaps it takes the type of feelings she has for you, versus those for an uncle, to truly break through to her.”
His heart started to thud loudly in his ears. “You think she really cares about me?”
“If I didn’t, I wouldn’t be here talking to you right now.”
Everett inhaled slowly. “I should go,” he said, gazing toward the path.
“I’ll stay here for a while, but here,” Seth said, stepping toward him. Everett gave him a dubious glance when he handed him the keys to his rental car.
; “I already have a car,” Everett said.
“No. There’s something in the trunk for you. From Joy.”
Everett glanced up in surprise.
“She gave me some money and a note for you last night, and made a request that I purchase something while I was in St. Louis this morning. It’s in the trunk of the car.”
“Thanks,” Everett said, accepting the keys.
“Everett?” Seth called.
“Yeah?” he asked, turning only his chin, impatient to be gone.
“Good luck.”
Everett nodded once and strode toward the path with a hasty determination.
* * *