After staying in the shower until the water turned cold, I was sick on and off all night. I missed Luca’s calls several times. When he showed up this afternoon and saw the pathetic state I was in, still lying in bed, in a damp towel, he nearly called an ambulance.
It took several hours before I confessed what had me so distraught, and he wanted blood. Knowing my brother as well as I do, I could see the rage fuming in his narrowed gaze and the tight lines of his face.
For a while, I was worried about Reed.
Luca took to making me some soup and tea in order to settle himself down. After ensuring I was comfortable, he built the bookshelf without question and asked if I wanted to go shopping for baby furniture. I turned him down because I was just too emotional to handle the crowds.
With a promise to make plans early next week because he has to go out of town for the weekend, he left, only to sit on Reed’s porch and wait for the man to come home.
The second I heard Reed’s truck pull up, I tried to stop myself from looking, but I pulled the curtains back, and his gaze immediately captured mine. The butterflies in my belly exploded, and my heart beat so hard in my chest, I felt it in my ears.
Dropping the curtain back in place, I can’t hear what they’re saying, but it doesn’t stop me from trying. After a few minutes, Luca returns with a beautiful bouquet of colored daisies and a bag from MShack. My mouth instantly begins to water.
“He needs to know you’re alright, Hopeless. The guy is hurting.” I frown, recognizing something in his eyes that makes him feel for Reed when I’m the one heartbroken.
“So am I, Luca.” I look down at the flowers, wanting desperately to tell Reed how pretty they are. But I hold firm and stay where I am. “Tell him I’m fine.”
I lock the door as soon as I hear it close. I need the barrier right now. Settling on the couch with my food, tears spring to the surface when I pull out the large vanilla shake, just like I ordered the other night.
Hitting play on the remote, I watch with keen interest as I eat while the computer-generated tutorial points out the emotions in a pe
rson’s face. I’ve watched these videos for half my life, and still, I routinely misjudge how a person is feeling. I need to believe that if I could just be normal, then I wouldn’t feel how I do now.
Today, I read over and over about breakups, and I’m convinced what I felt last night, and still do today, is heartbreak. Maybe some fear. And loneliness. If what I read about loneliness is true, then that’s my primary emotion, and it makes me sad.
I don’t know why I’m like this. Doctors have always said there are wires crossed in my brain and no way to reverse it. I’ve had to find a way to live with it my entire life; I’ve never resented it as much as I do right now.
I want to be normal.
To fall in love.
To know love when I experience it.
Instead, I suffer through, pretending to be something, someone, I’m not.
5
Reed
Sitting on the porch of my captain’s cabin as I wait for Theo and Lola, I’m reading some mystery paperback that I don’t remember a single detail of. I’m sure I’ve been reading the same page since pulling it out.
All I think about is Hope. The way she watched me leave this evening to come up here. I sent her a text, so she knew where I was, but like all the others, I haven’t gotten a reply. At this point, I have no idea what to do. I’d already decided to leave her alone for the weekend. Maybe I’m being too pushy, maybe I’m not. I honestly have no idea, and I think the situation is unchartered territory for both of us. I do know I’m not giving up, though.
Closing my book as Theo pulls up the drive, I stand and wait for him to shut off the vehicle and wake a sleeping Lola in the front seat. They exchange a few words, and I’m at her door to open it before Theo’s even out of his seat.
“Hey there, pretty lady.” I grin as she blushes. “I’m Reed.”
“Nice to meet you.” Her voice is shy as the soothing atmosphere washes over her.
Theo stands beside me as Lola wanders to the sand, burying her toes in the warmth. “You picked a quiet one, big brother.”
“Not always, she’s not.” His voice is soft as he watches the love of his life. I try not to let my envy consume me.
“Yeah, I bet,” I mutter. “Here.” Tossing the keys to Theo as I back away to my vehicle, he catches them. “Fridge is stocked, sheets are clean. Leave those in the back porchlight when you leave.”
“You’re heading out already?” As much as I’d like to stay and visit, they need this time alone.
“Yeah, your girl needs your full attention. This place has a healing quality to it. Use it. Let her soak it in. I’ll be up your way this summer, might even have a girl of my own.” I wink, still hoping for the damn best.