“Yes,” I murmur with a smile, unsure of how to explain why I love it.
“You like that he hurts you?” Mom cries out.
Rolling my eyes, I tell her, “He doesn’t hurt me, Mom.” How the heck do I explain this?
“It certainly looks like he does,” she insists. Looking to my dad for help, he avoids eye contact. I don’t blame him.
“I promise, he doesn’t hurt me. Declan makes me whole. He couldn’t hurt me.”
She looks skeptical, but relents. “If you say so.”
Nodding my head, I ask, “What are you doing here?”
My father’s throat clearing has me spinning to face him. “We owe you an apology, Ashley.” He must see the confusion on my face as he continues. “When you left yesterday, you thought we didn’t want you. That we wish we’d never had you. That’s not true.”
Dropping my gaze, I’m not sure how to proceed. I do think that. How could I not? I called them on it, and they never denied my words.
“When you came along, we were set in our ways…in our life. We didn’t want to change that. It was selfish on our part. We should have been around for you more instead of leaving you with nannies that had no interest in anything other than a paycheck.”
“Why are you telling me this?” I still can’t look at either of them.
Hands on my shoulders have me looking up and into my father’s tear-filled eyes. “Because we failed you, Ashley. We let you down.”
Panic tightens my chest. “No. No, you didn’t. I screwed up. I humiliated people so they would feel what I did. I couldn’t stand to see anyone else happy. That’s on me, not you.”
They look at each other, a silent communication between them. “But that’s just it,” Mom says softly. “You wouldn’t have been in such turmoil if we were there for you.”
Could it be true?
I had always hated seeing other people happy. It hurt my heart. When I saw how miserable Cecilia was, I latched onto it like a lifeline. I was ashamed to say she was an easy target because of that.
“I think,” my father begins, “we’re all going to have to agree to disagree here. We have all made mistakes. We all need to heal and move forward.”
“Please, Ashley, you have to know we love you so much. We couldn’t be prouder of the woman you’re becoming. It might have been a long road to get here, but baby, you are.” My mother’s tears have my own spilling forward.
“How can you be proud of me when I was in prison? What’s to be proud about that?”
Wrapping me in her arms, she spoke gently into my ear. “You might have gone to jail, Ashley, but it’s the way you handled court, your punishment, release. All of it, dear. You, daughter of mine, are everything I wish you to be.”
Oh, how I wish that to be true, and maybe to them, I am. Maybe to them, I’m as good as I’m every going to be. Maybe I can be better than I want to be.
Maybe, one day…
Chapter Eight
Ashley
Arriving at the youth center just before I’m to clock in, I know I’ve cut it close. Of all my parole requirements, Zach is strictest about my volunteer work. He won’t tolerate me being late or missing a day. I understand. It’s been detrimental to my state of mind in the last month.
Being with these kids gives me perspective on my life. What I want…what I need to get there. I feel like today marks a new day for me. The air is crisper, the leaves brighter, the sun soothes my soul as it shines down on me.
Declan, I know, is a huge part of that. I want something solely for me for once. I want to be better for him. I want him to want me for the real me. Even though I don’t quite know who that is yet, I have a feeling he’s going to push me until I find out.
“Morning, Ashley,” Tabitha, the director of the center, greets me as I hang up my stuff. “You look different today.” Her observation has me checking myself, not seeing anything new.
“How so?” I ask.
“Your aura is happy.” She smiles, walking away like that explains anything. I know she’s into reading tea leaves and crystals and a bunch of other weird stuff, but this aura thing is new.