Brady cocks his head and leans in to me. "Aren't you going to go with her?"
I can't help the easy smile that slides across my face. He looks genuinely concerned that I'm not going with her. "No, believe it or not, there’s no rule that says girls have to go to the bathroom in pairs," I say with a laugh.
He smiles at me, relaxing back in his chair. Conversation dies down and a comfortable silence descends on the table when Cooper leaves to get another round of drinks. I really should stop, but the drinks are going down really smooth...and well, I don't want to stop. The shrill sound of a ph
one interrupts the light conversation and we all look around to see who the important person is. Levi smiles and digs his phone out of his pocket.
"Hey! What's up?" he answers, taking a drink of his beer. I don't mean to eavesdrop on his conversation, but I have nothing better to do.
"I'm actually here now, you should come on up." He looks at me and smiles, draping an arm over the back of my seat. He laughs, nodding his head a few times, and then he sits up and twists away from me, the unexpected movement catching me off-guard.
I can't hear what’s being said so I lean a little closer to Levi. "Ummm...are you sure that's a good idea?" He notices that I’m listening in and gives me the stink eye, which of course I return. "Yeah, you're right. It’s fine. Alright man, see you soon." Levi ends the call and shoves his phone in his pocket. He looks everywhere but at me as he raises his hand, motioning for Ryan to bring a round of shots to the table.
I slap his arm playfully to get his attention, even though I'm feeling anything but playful. "Who was that?"
"No one." His smile is too bright and his answer is too quick. "How drunk are you?" he asks.
I narrow my gaze at him. "What's your deal? What are you up to?"
"Nothing. How drunk are you?" he asks again.
"Eh..." I shrug my shoulders, "...maybe halfway there."
"Good," he says, sliding a shot in front of me. "I'm in the mood to dance.
I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS is happening. Of course I get called in to work on the one fucking night that I need to be off. After the way things ended last night, I fully expected Harley to try and pull some bullshit and cancel on me. I was determined that I was going to fight her on it, until I was the one who had to cancel.
Her short replies and lack of attention to my request for a rain check bothered me. But when I told her I was sorry and she replied 'me too,' I had a horrible feeling she wasn't referring to me canceling on her and that gutted me. I'm still mad at myself for doing whatever I did to put that wounded look on her face last night.
So, needless to say, here I am in the ER and we're fucking slammed. I typically don't mind being busy because it makes the time go by faster, but today has been disastrous. At least Avery is here today; she always makes things a little more fun.
As soon as my shift started, we had a motor vehicle accident roll in. It was a husband and wife, and the husband coded on me twice before they were both rushed into surgery. My next patient had a gunshot wound to the abdomen. The kid was only twenty years old and he was shot in the fucking abdomen for a drug deal that went horribly wrong. What the hell is wrong with the world today? And to top my morning off, I just finished taking care of a woman who tried to overdose. Apparently, she thought swallowing a bunch of her psychiatric medicine and chasing it with a bottle of Jack was the best way to convince her son that he wasn't, in fact, attracted to men.
I rip off my gloves, wash my hands, and push my way out the door. Avery is standing at the end of the hall, staring at the ceiling with her hands on her hips. I haven't had much time to talk to her today because we've been so busy, but I heard that she was working on a tough case.
"Avery?" I grip her shoulder gently and her head drops as a small sob rips from her throat. Her shoulders begin to shake and I step up behind her so she knows I'm here, but I don't say anything else. It's obvious to me that she doesn't need to talk right now...she needs to grieve. I've been in her shoes. I know what it's like to become emotionally attached to something or someone, and it doesn't turn out the way you wanted. It’s devastating and often leaves you feeling like you've failed.
A couple of minutes pass and her shoulders stop shaking. She is still facing away from me, but I don't need to see to know that she is hurting. She takes a deep breath and raises her head. Her hands wipe furiously against her face and she slowly turns to look at me. When our eyes meet, all of her emotions resurface. Tears re-form and breach the confines of her lashes without notice. Her chin quivers and I know she's doing everything in her power to hold it in. "Come on, you need to take a minute." Placing my hand at the small of her back, I lead her into our break room and lock the door.
I reach for her arm and she doesn't resist. Pulling her to me, she buries her face in my chest and allows herself to lose control. "I lost her," she cries, her tears soaking through my shirt. Raising her head, she peers up, my scrubs bunched up in her fists. Her sad, bloodshot eyes stare back at me and my heart breaks. "She was a mother." Her last word cracks on another gentle sob and her head falls against my chest. "She had two kids, Ty. Two. They're five and seven, and now their mom is gone." I don't say anything because I'm really not sure what to say. I've lost kids, parents, grandparents...you name it and I've seen it. I know it’s hard but it's just something that you have to grieve and move past, or the 'what ifs' will eat at you and break you down.
"She'll never see them graduate high school or go on their first dates. She'll never see them kick the final goal to win a soccer game or go off to college." A strangled cry flies from her mouth and I pull her in tighter. "They're going to go through their whole lives without the one person who is supposed to be there to support them and protect them. Now who is going to do those things?" she asks, raising her grief-stricken face to mine.
"Their dad is going to do it." I normally would never presume that the kids have a dad or that he's actually capable of taking over, but I saw the family she is talking about in the waiting room and the guy looked like a stand-up guy. I understand that looks can be deceiving, but he looked devastated and I saw him holding his two boys tightly as they all prayed for the woman that they love with all their hearts.
"He is going to step in and fill those shoes as best he can. He is going to remind them of their mother every day, and he is going to love those boys with everything he has because they need him and that's what a dad does." At least that's what my dad would have done.
"Do you have kids?" she whispers into my shoulders.
"Nope. You?" I respond quietly, continuing with the slow circles my hand is making on her back.
"No. But someday..." She trails off, sniffing a few times, and after several more minutes, her shoulders stop shaking.
"Are you okay?" I pull back from her, gripping her shoulders in my hands. Her eyes are still sad, but her tears have dried. She tries for a genuine smile but fails miserably, and I chuckle lightly at her attempt.
"I will be. Thanks for that," she says, waving at my tear-soaked scrub top. Laughing, I wrap my arm around her shoulder and pull her into me.
"Yes. You will be. Look, I know that this is hard—losing anyone is hard—but you've got to allow yourself to move on. Not only for your own sanity, but because there are still patients sitting in those rooms," I say, pointing out to the hall, "that need you completely focused when you go in to take care of them."