“Trust me, you don’t understand,” I whisper.
How could she? Unless you live this life, you’ll never fully understand it.
“Yes, I do,” she insists, pulling out of my arms.
Frustrated at her insistence, at the situation, at myself, I grab the bottle of water from the table, and drain half of it in one drink.
“You might think you do, but you don’t.”
Her eyes widen. “Don’t tell me what I understand and what I don’t understand. The Blacks may not have been part of an organized crime family, but they were rotten. So yes, I get why you wouldn’t want to let someone in on that part of your life.”
“The Blacks have nothing on my father.”
I regret the words as soon as they fall from my mouth. Shae gasps, pushing up from the couch, and I feel the pain in her gaze like a punch to the gut. I hate that I’m the one who put it there.
“I didn’t mean that. The way they treated you was shit, baby, and I wasn’t trying to minimalize that.”
Shae draws in a shaky breath but doesn’t respond.
Damn it.
None of this is going the way I had hoped, and all I’m doing is digging myself a deeper hole.
“Fuck,” I growl, rubbing my hands over my face. “I keep fucking up with you. I shouldn’t have said that. I’m sorry.”
Pulling her bottom lip between her teeth, Shae studies me for several moments before putting me out of my misery. “It’s okay. You’re upset. This whole situation isn’t ideal. I get that.”
That’s an understatement. “Where do we go from here? This is my life, Shae. It’s the life I was born into. Sal Ambrosi is my father, and I can’t change that. I can’t change my past.”
Her eyes soften, the slightest chink her armor, and I’ll take it.
“But you can change your future,” she says. “You get to pick the sort of man you want to be. We’re not destined to be our parents, Rex, and if anyone understands that concept, it’s me.”
“I’m trying.”
“I know you are,” she whispers, grabbing my hand.
When her skin touches mine, a sense of warmth rushes over me. I squeeze her fingers tight, afraid of losing the feeling.
“I’m in this,” she says. “If you’re willing to play this out and see where it takes us, so am I.”
“Most people would think you’re crazy for wanting to be with someone like me.”
Shae takes a deep breath, and when she lets it out, her words nearly bring me to my knees.
“I don’t give a fuck what anyone else thinks. I only care what I think.” She gives me a sexy little grin. “And I sorta care what you think. Plus, if you remember, I told you I might very well be batshit crazy. Besides, you and I aren’t so different.”
Shaking my head, I grab her wrist and bring her to my lap. With a knee pressed to either side of my hips, she straddles me, her hands resting on my chest.
“I don’t know what I did to deserve you, but I’m sure as shit not questioning it, and no way in hell am I letting you go.”
She drops her forehead to mine. “Promise.”
“Promise.”
“Are you sure I look okay?” I rub my hands down the front of my dress, wondering if I should’ve worn something else.
“For the hundredth time, you look stunning, and my mother is going to love you.”