Ryan stared at the ground between his knees and pulled in a huge breath, and Jaci was quite sure that he wasn’t aware that his hand moved across the table to link with hers. “Kelly wasn’t Ben’s fiancée, she was mine.”
Jaci tangled her fingers in his and held on. “What?”
Ryan lifted his head and dredged up a smile but his eyes remained bleak. “Yeah, we’d got engaged two weeks earlier.”
Jaci struggled to make sense of what he was saying. “But the press confirmed that they had spent a romantic weekend together.” Jaci swore softly when she realized what he was trying to tell her. “She was cheating. On you.” She lifted her hand to her mouth, aghast. “Oh, Ryan!”
How horrible was that? Jaci felt her stomach bubble, felt the bile in the back of her throat. His fiancée and his brother were having an affair and he found out when they both died in a car crash? That was like pouring nitric acid into a throat wound. How...how...how dare they?
How did anyone deal with that, deal with losing two people you loved and finding out they were having an affair behind your back? What were you supposed to feel? Do? Act? God, no wonder Ryan had such massive trust issues.
Fury followed horror. Who slept with her fiancé’s brother, who slept with their brother’s fiancée? Who did that? She was so angry she could spit radioactive spiders. “I am so mad right now,” was all she could say.
The corners of Ryan’s mouth lifted and his eyes lightened a fraction. “It was a long time ago, honey.” He removed his fingers from her grasp and flexed his hand. “Ow.”
“Sorry, but that disloyalty, that amount of selfishness—”
Ryan placed the tips of his fingers on her mouth to stop her talking. Jaci sighed and yanked her words back. It didn’t matter how angry she was on his behalf, how protective she was feeling, the last thing he needed was for her to go all psycho on him. Especially since Ben and Kelly had paid the ultimate price.
“Sorry, Ry,” she muttered around his fingers.
“Yeah. Me, too.” Ryan dropped his hand. “I never talk about it—nobody but me knows. Kelly wanted to keep the engagement secret—”
“Probably because she was boinking your brother.”
“Thank you, I hadn’t realized that myself,” Ryan said, his voice bone-dry.
Jaci winced. “Sorry.” It seemed as if it was her go-to phrase tonight.
“Anyway, you’re the first person I’ve told. Ever.” Ryan shoved his hand through his hair. “You asked who she was and I wanted to tell you, but I didn’t want to tell you and it all just got too...”
Jaci waited a beat before suggesting a word. “Real?”
Ryan nodded. “Yeah. If I explained, I couldn’t keep pretending that we were just...friends.”
What did that mean? Were they more than friends now? Was he also feeling something deeper than passion and attraction, something that could blossom and grow into...something deeper? Jaci wished she had the guts to ask him, but a part of her didn’t want to risk hearing his answer. It might not be what she was looking for or even wanting. Her heart was in her hands and she was mentally begging him to take it, to keep it. But she wanted him to keep it safe and she wasn’t sure that he would.
Ryan closed his eyes and rubbed his eyelids with his thumb and forefinger. “God, I’m tired.”
“Then go back to the B and B,” Jaci suggested.
“Will you come with me?”
Jaci cocked her head in thought. She could but if she did she knew that she would have no more defenses against him, that she would give him everything she had, and she knew that she couldn’t afford to do that. And, despite the fact that he’d opened up, he wasn’t anywhere near being in love with her and he didn’t want what she did. Oh, she was in love with him. He had most of her heart, but she was keeping a little piece of that organ back, and all of her soul, because she needed them to carry on, to survive when he left.
Because he would leave. This was her life, not a fairy tale.
He stood up and held out his hand. “Jace? You coming?”
“Sorry, Ry.”
Ryan frowned at her and looked across the room to where Clive stood, watching them. Watching her. Creepy. “You’ve got something better to do?” Ryan demanded, his eyes dark with jealously.
“Oh, Ryan, you are such an idiot!” she murmured.
She was tempted to go with him, of course she was. Despite his opening up and letting her a little way in, they weren’t in a committed relationship, and the more she slept with him the deeper in love she would fall. She had to be sensible, had to keep some distance. But she didn’t want to make light of the fact that he’d confided in her and that she appreciated his gesture, so Jaci reached up and touched her lips to his cheek. Then she held her cheek against his, keeping her eyes closed as she inhaled his intoxicating smell. “Thank you for telling me, Ry.”