* * *
Sage looked down at her phone and saw Tyce’s name flash on her screen. Lifting the phone to her ear, she stopped and turned toward the side of the building, putting her back to the wind. “Hi.”
“Hey.” Tyce’s voice sounded funny but Sage thought that it could just be the wind playing tricks with her ears.
“I’m with Lachlyn and I thought that we could come to the apartment for coffee. Are you going to be home soon?”
Yeah, he definitely sounded weird. Almost angry, Sage thought. Sage rubbed the back of her neck, trying to massage the tension away. Her princess had arrived ten minutes late for their meeting and stormed out in a huff after another five, declaring that Sage’s designs were all rubbish and plebeian and that she hated every one.
She felt battered and tired and all she wanted was to climb into a hot bath and to go to bed early. She didn’t want to talk to anyone, not even Tyce, tonight. She felt like she hadn’t had a moment alone for the month and all she wanted was an empty apartment and some quiet.
“Sage? Are you there?”
“I’m still at work.” The lie ran smoothly off her tongue even as it burned a hole in her stomach. But if she told him the truth, then he’d demand to know why she needed time alone, what was bugging her, why she was avoiding him and his sister. She just didn’t have the energy to deal with any of it.
“I’m going to be working late so—” she hesitated “—maybe you should stay at your place tonight?”
“Okay then.”
Sage looked down at her dead phone and winced. God, she hated lying and wished she hadn’t. She should’ve just told him that she needed some time alone; of everyone she knew, Tyce was the person most likely to understand that. And he was a big boy; if he asked what was wrong and she said that she didn’t feel like talking, he’d understand. There was no need to lie...yet she’d done it. Sage felt acid coat her throat, feeling thoroughly ashamed of herself.
She’d have to confess the lie and that wasn’t going to be fun.
But she was a big girl and she’d done the crime, so she’d take the consequences.
Sage looked down at her screen and saw the “missed” call she’d ignored from Lachlyn and remorse swamped her. And she felt guilty for blowing their plans, for using work as an excuse to avoid her.
Sage sucked in some cold air thinking that it was bad timing, that she did need to get on top of work; she didn’t really have the time to start a new relationship. With Tyce living with her and taking up her time at night and the tiredness from the pregnancy hormones, and the horrible weather...
And the famine in the Sudan and the bomb blast in Pakistan and the phase of the moon...
God, she was just one crazy, twisted knot of excuses.
The truth was that she was scared. No, terrified. Scared of what she felt for Tyce, scared of what she could feel for Lachlyn. Scared of being hurt, left alone, lost.
But, most of all, she was scared to live. To love.
Sage wrapped her arms around her waist as she walked the last yards to her building. A series of pictures flashed into her head and they were of the last vacation she’d spent with her parents. They’d flown to Hawaii and she remembered they’d all taken surfing lessons. Her brothers had picked up the skill immediately but she and her dad had struggled to find their balance. On the cinema screen in her head, her mom, who was a Californian girl, was skimming down what looked like, to her, a monstrous wave. Her dark hair was flying, she was whooping like a maniac and she had the most enormous smile on her face.
Her dad had looked at her and grinned. “That’s your mom, Sagie. Wild and free, so in love with life.”
Sage wiped a tear off her face and thought that she might look like her mom but she wasn’t anything like her. She was cautious and closed off and a slave to her fears. Yes, she’d experienced incredible personal loss but she’d survived it and if it happened again, she would survive that too. Hearts might get dinged and broken but they didn’t actually kill you.
She could, Sage realized, spend the rest of her life in a cage where it was safe and, yeah, boring, or she could break out of jail and start to explore her world. She was young, rich and reasonably smart; she could have a wonderful life if she found a little bit of her mom’s courage, her bold spirit.