I sigh, realizing I won't be calm until I get this out. Maybe that's all I need – to admit I have the hots for him, and then it will be easier to fight the way he makes me feel.
"Well, you know," I say, already cringing at the thought of admitting this out loud. "I'm kind of split between two decisions."
"Okay," she nods, waiting for me to go on.
"I like this guy," I admit, thinking of Dom, "but he's all kinds of wrong. He's so wrong it's not even legal."
Susie's eyes widen, and I look at her out of the corner of my eyes, wondering how she isn't getting this yet. I sigh and go on.
"There's another guy as well, who would be a much wiser choice. Safe, sweet, kind. Nothing wrong with him."
"Except he's not guy number one," Susie interrupts and I look at her with my eyes wide, nodding. Then I watch as realization sinks in, and she gasps out loud.
"Oh my God," she breathes. "Dom? Dom is guy number one?"
All I can do is nod, and somehow, it's as if a dam has broken. I push up my sunglasses and look at Susie desperately. "Oh please, Susie, don't think I'm some weirdo. We're not even related; I met him a short while ago. Is it really so fucked up?"
She looks at me hard, as if she knows how much this means to me. Finally, she sets her glass down on the tiles and reaches for my hands, smoothing my skin with her fingers.
"No, stupid," she calms me down. "It's not fucked up. Why would it be? I'm not some grandma who’s going to judge you for having hots for a guy you met two weeks ago. Who cares if your parents are married? You aren't related, like you said."
It's as if a huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders, even though we haven't resolved much of anything. But just knowing Susie doesn't judge me for feeling this way makes me feel a lot better.
"What I'm worried about is this," Susie begins, biting her bottom lip, "Are you mad at me? I swear I had no idea you liked him, and we didn't even do anything… I just thought he was so hot, and I started talking to him. I swear, nothing happened."
I give her a long look and smile. Susie gives off the wrong impression, I've realized, because she comes across like some silly bimbo. In reality, she's actually such a sweet girl.
"No, I'm not mad," I admit. "I should've told you sooner."
Susie gives me a tight hug before settling back into her lounge chair and whistling. "Well, has anything happened with either of the guys?" she wants to know, and I blush.
"Oh, you little minx!" she shrieks.
"Shut up, Susie," I snap, laughing at the same time. "Okay, Dom and I kissed. But he hasn't talked to me since."
“Wow girl! You actually kissed? Was it hotter than all hell?”
“More like an awkward fumble in the dark,” I admit.
“It’s a start though,” Susie grins at me.
"So, what should I do?" I ask her next, nervously twisting a beach towel between my fingers.
"Well, what do you want to happen?" Susie asks, giving me a serious look.
I don't know how I got to be so honest – it might be those insanely strong iced teas we're drinking, but I'm not holding anything back at this point. "Everything," I admit, my voice hoarse as I think about Dom.
"Well then, just do it," Susie shrugs nonchalantly, and I blush again.
"You think I should?" I ask her.
"Why are you so worried? It's just hooking up," Susie laughs it off, but when she sees my petrified expression, she changes her tone. "Unless... it's not?"
I blush, hating my skin more than ever.
"Why is it a big deal?" Susie rolls her eyes. "Because you like him, and you want more?"
I nod, gulping down a lump in my throat. "Yes and... you know. It would be my first time." The last sentence comes out in a whisper, and I'm pretty much hoping it was quiet enough for Susie to not hear.
"What?" she screeches, and I blush an even deeper red as she leaps up from the lounge chair and starts jumping up and down. "Oh my God, you're kidding! A real live VIRGIN! This is so exciting!"
I can't help but laugh as I try to calm her down. I feel like a kid, but somehow, this feels good. It's out in the open, and the world hasn't stopped turning. Susie isn't judging, she's just teasing. And I'm so fucking grateful to have her as my friend.
"What's going on here?" a voice interrupts from behind us, and Susie and I freeze on the spot, turning around to check out the intruder.
Of course, it's Dom, because my life could not resist throwing a curve ball at me. Susie snorts behind me, but I'm too busy staring to respond.