It felt good.
I also needed to talk about London. I didn’t even need advice, I just needed to talk it out. I had to get how I felt out somehow, and there was no one else I trusted the way I trusted him.
“How did your date go?”
I grunted as we headed for the showers.
“Not good?”
“No, the date was bloody amazing,” I replied. “It was the conversation after that was a little…”
“Shit,” Dylan filled in for me. “What happened?”
I quickly summarized the conversation. “I understand where she’s at, but I just wish there was an easy fix.”
“Well, there is. You could just tell her you’ve decided to stay in White Peak.”
“I can’t say that now. It’ll look like I’m only saying it so she’ll go out with me again.”
“That’s true.”
We both went into separate cubicles and showered off.
“You know what I think?” Dylan said as we got out, towels around our waists. “I think she uses Leo as a shield sometimes.”
“What do you mean?”
Dylan sat down on the bench and looked at me. “Her ex cheated on her, right?”
“Yeah.”
“Idiot.” He snorted. “And because he’s Leo’s dad and they were engaged, it ruined everything she thought was her end game. She didn’t just lose her partner, she lost her family and the future she thought they were building.”
Ah. “You think she’s afraid it’ll happen again.”
“I’m almost certain she is. Look at everything she said to you. It’s all about Leo. It’s never about her. I think London is so scared of being hurt again by someone she trusts that she uses his feelings as a reason not to do the things that scare her. Now I’m not saying his feelings aren’t valid, because they are, and she’s totally right to guard them as fiercely as she does,” he added quickly. “But she definitely hides behind it a little bit.”
“That… makes sense,” I said slowly. “It’s an easy cop out.”
“Exactly. I don’t think she knows she does it. I think it’s turned into a subconscious thing she does to keep people at bay.”
“Right, but how do I break through that?”
“I don’t know,” Dylan admitted, inclining his head to the side. “Your only option might be to just keep being there. More sessions with Leo, take her for lunch, just prove to her that you have no intention of hurting her, and when you think she’s ready to hear it, tell her that you’re staying.”
“I don’t know how many more times I can use the excuse of training Leo. She already called me on that.”
“That’s because she’s smart.” He laughed. “I’d do it anyway. You like training him, he likes training you, and one of her biggest fears is Leo not getting along with the person she’s dating. If you make it so that you and he are essentially best friends, you eliminate that fear.”
“I don’t know if I feel right using Leo like that. He’s a good kid.”
“You’re not using him. I bet if you asked him, he’d be happy to help you. Didn’t he say yes when London asked him if he was happy for you two to have dinner?”
“Yeah, but—”
“Look, mate.” Dylan met my eyes. “The way to London’s heart is clearly through her son. If that’s the path you have to take, then you have to take it. But I agree with her. You need to be one thousand percent certain you’re staying in White Peak before you go doing something like that. She’s a good person, and she deserves someone who knows exactly what they want.” He stood and rested his hand on my shoulder. “So maybe you need to take your own time to take her out of the equation and evaluate everything in your own life to make sure this is what you want.”
He left me with that truth bomb and disappeared to the other side of the locker room to change.
I sighed heavily and leaned forward, burying my hands in my hair. He was right. I knew he was right—it was what I’d known all along. I needed to make the decision for myself if White Peak was where I could see myself being for the rest of my life.
I knew London wanted forever. She wasn’t willing to settle for anything less than that in her life, and I couldn’t have respected her more for it.
I hadn’t been lying when I told her that the only reason I wanted to go was because I didn’t have a reason to stay.
But did I now? And if I did, was it a big enough one?
I reached into my locker and pulled out my phone.
ME: Are you in your office? We need to talk.
I dried off and pulled on my clothes while I waited for the response. My phone buzzed against the wooden bench, and I checked the message.
SEB: Come on up.