Being here, with him, at St Sylve, deprived her of them. It was just another reason in a long list of reasons why they could never be together long-term. She needed that family atmosphere and he couldn’t—wouldn’t—provide it for her.
Besides, even if they wanted to continue their...whatever it was, how would it work? Practically? Logistically? His life was here on St Sylve. Hers was across the country. She had a successful business based in another city—one that she’d sweated blood and tears to establish. He couldn’t imagine giving up St Sylve, so he knew that to ask her to give up Jess Sherwood Concepts would be deeply unfair.
What was he going to do about her? He’d never intended to become involved with a woman again, but Jess, being Jess, had become more than a fling, more than a quick and casual affair. He couldn’t allow himself to get any more attached to her than he already was. It would be easier to have open-heart surgery without anaesthetic than to risk loving someone and having them leave him.
Luke felt the sour taste of panic in the back of his throat and pulled at his shirt collar. He’d been living in a dream world these past few days and it was time to snap out of it. He’d been seduced—literally and metaphorically—by the woman in his bed and her family in the manor house.
It wasn’t real and it sure wasn’t permanent.
Nothing ever was.
* * *
‘So, how is Luke?’
Jess sat at a small wooden table at a restaurant in Lambert’s Bay, a cup of coffee in front of her, waiting to meet Luke’s cousin. She was talking to Clem, all the way across the country at their safari operation, Two-B.
‘Distant, irritable, moody and snappy.’
‘Oh. Um...that’s not what I expected to hear. I thought you would be burning up the sheets.’
‘We are,’ Jess replied. ‘We’re just not talking in between. We both know that I should be packing to leave but neither of us are mentioning it.’
When he was making love to her he was anything but broody and snappy. Passionate, loving, attentive, tender. His body worshipped hers...
‘Have you asked him about it?’
‘Mmm, a couple of times. Yesterday I asked why he was being so aloof, far-away...uncommunicative, and was told that he has a lot of his mind. That he’s working on a couple of difficult deals and he’s tired.’
Clem was silent for a moment. ‘Is he back-pedalling?’
Jess rested her forehead on her fist and nodded, then realised that Clem couldn’t see her.
‘I think that’s part of it. I also think he’s thinking about his mum a lot. I think it’s natural after being confronted with our family.’
She really believed that. When she’d caught Luke staring at the photograph of his mum this morning all the pieces had fallen into place. Spending so much time with her family, seeing how close they were, had to make him wonder about his own family—about the fact that he had an aunt. He would be wondering whether he had cousins, other family members he’d never met. So she’d raised the subject of Luke tracking down his aunt again and he’d brushed her off. She realised that his reaction was a combination of fear and bravado, and understood that he was anxious. Who wouldn’t be? But he wasn’t uninterested so that was why...
‘I’m in Lambert’s Bay, about to meet his cousin,’ Jess said. She’d found the slip of paper her mum had given Luke, dialled the number of the cottage and spoken to Luke’s cousin. Luke’s aunt had died a couple of years ago, she’d explained, but she’d grown up with the tragic tale of Katelyn and would be happy to share the story with Jess—especially if she was living with Luke. Well, it wasn’t a lie...she was living with Luke. She just hadn’t felt the need to tell her that it was a temporary arrangement.
‘Does he know?’
‘No.’
‘Do you think that’s wise?’
‘It’s my gift to him, Clem. Knowledge about his past, his mother.’
It was her way to show him how much she loved him, that she would love to make a family with him, to invite him to share hers. Like her brothers, she wanted to love and be loved, to create her own family within a bigger one.
‘I want a man who loves me like Nick loves you—like Dad still loves my mum.’
‘Oh, sweetie, I hear you. But I’m not sure if this is the right way to go about it,’ Clem said. ‘Changing the subject—how did the family advert turn out?’
‘Sbu and I did the final edit on it this afternoon. It’s wonderful—funny, warm and very accessible. Everything I wanted it to be. I just need to show it to Luke and get his approval to flight the ad and we’re done, business-wise.’