Daisy's expression grows stark. There's a flash of pain on her face, and then she smiles, all brightness again. "No, you certainly cannot." She nudges me with her shoulder. "So who was it? A male that resonated to someone else?"
This is the part where it gets a little tricky to navigate. Is she going to be offended if I tell her the truth? But I also don't want to lie. I opt for the truth, deciding to lay it all open. "A woman, actually."
Her brows furrow and then a look of sympathy crosses her face. "I didn't realize anyone here was gay."
And now time for even more explaining. "I'm not exactly gay. I'm bisexual. I just…like people." I shrug. "The gender doesn't particularly matter to me. I've dated both men and women in the past."
She nods enthusiastically. "My old master was gay and it was very frowned upon in his culture. It made him sad to have to hide who he was." Her expression grows soft and she impulsively flings her arms around me. "Oh, Steph. I'm so sorry."
Her hug nearly makes me drop the basket. I quickly regroup, juggling it against my hip. "About…me being bi?"
Daisy pulls back, laughing. "No, silly. About having your love be unrequited. Can I ask who it was? Did they resonate? Is this why you’re so adamant about waiting for resonance? Shall I guess who it is?"
I wince a little, because this is the part where it gets uncomfortable for me. "Let's just leave it that it was unrequited, all right? She has no idea." And I don't want to tell Daisy, in case she gets it in her head that she should be matchmaker…because the person I had the crush on is absolutely not mated. Flor has no idea that I went to bed every night hoping to spend time with her the next day. She has no idea I mooned over her and sought out reasons to be near her in those early days. She was pretty and vivacious and smart, and I love those things in a partner. Add in the fact that Flor was clearly desperate to be needed and struggling to find happiness in this place and, well, those were all things I love in a partner.
But after a round of spin the bottle, Flor also made it really clear she didn't like women. I remember when the bottle turned on Penny and my heart hammered, wondering if she was going to reach over and kiss her and confirm that maybe I wasn't the only one on the beach that also liked girls. Instead, she'd made a face and said she was straight and demanded they spin again.
Nothing wrong with being straight. I respect that. So I kept my crush to myself, gave her a little distance, and went on with my life. Over time, the crush faded, and while I still want to help her with her need to fit in and I tend to blush around her, I'm okay with us just being friends.
Daisy nods understanding. "Right. A secret trauma. I get it now." She tilts her head, thinking for a moment. "It's interesting, you know. Do you suppose the aliens deliberately looked for straight people when they hunted slaves? Or is it just luck that everyone here is pretty much…" She pops her lips and makes a zooming motion with her hand. "You know, straight as an arrow?"
"Or they're not and just hiding it because it's expected that we should all be straight? Since the khui chooses?"
Daisy considers this. "I think they pick straight people. Imagine how awkward it would be to buy a slave and tell them to suck your dick and they vomit?" Her eyes widen. "Do you think they send them back if they vomit?"
I'm guessing that the slaves have a lot more on their minds if they're being asked to suck a stranger's dick than their sexuality. "I really can't speculate, Daisy. And we probably shouldn't, because if someone else here isn't straight, maybe they're not ready to come out?"
Her hand goes to her mouth. "Oh, of course not. I didn't realize. I won't say a thing."
I decide it's time to turn the subject. "You could always tell me about your personal trauma, since I shared mine with you."
"I could," she says lightly, gazing out at the rolling waves. "But then I’m just encouraging you to psychoanalyze me and you already do that far too much.”
Mmm, she’s not wrong about that.
“I love hearing more about you,” Daisy continues. “Since you're no longer messed up on the girl and you're bisexual, does that mean you have your eye on anyone in particular? Are you wanting to resonate? Or are you hoping one of the other ladies—or myself!—gets passed over and you two just sort of drift together?"