That’s it? That was his “big” demon goal? Jesus, how unoriginal. Someone was always vying for the gods’ destruction. Evil vampires, evil Mayan priests, evil Mayan vampire priests. The parade of villains was a standard fixture.
Zac stifled a laugh. “I must say, Maury, I’m very disappointed. I thought you’d have something more innovative up your sleeve. Well, let me save you the trouble; it’s not going to happen. My brethren will get free, we’ll find a way to boot you out and seal you in your realm for good, and you’ll be wondering why you’re such an unpopular loser among your people. Oh, and I will get the girl.”
“That remains to be seen. So far, you’re not doing so well with this challenge.”
“Here’s the thing, Maury. I know my Tula and what’s in her heart. She’ll choose me. So the problem isn’t her man-picker, it’s that you’re a demon, and you have zero plans to keep your word. When we win, you won’t let us walk away and live in peace. Your kind are notoriously bad losers. So let me make this a win for both of us. Let Tula go in her own body. Keep her out of this and sit down with me to hammer out some sort of deal with the gods. Maybe I can convince my brethren to let you demons have a holiday in the human world once a year like the old days?”
Zac remembered how much they loved Halloween. Unfortunately, the demons kept stretching out their holiday into November, then to December. Before they knew it, Christmas. Which was why it turned into a massive commercial holiday punctuated by spending sprees and baked goods, ending with a gluttonous feast and excessive drinking. Actually, that part is pretty fun. I do like a good nog and some snowman tunes. Ugly sweaters rocked, too. His absolute favorite was the one Tula got him of bearded baby Jesus in a BabyBjörn. Adorable.
Maury shook his head. “Nice try, Zac, but you’re not in a position to offer anything I want unless it’s your eternal suffering.”
“That privilege is reserved for my wife-to-be.” Only Tula would be allowed to make him miserable.
“That will be her choice since the ball is in her court now. The deal has been struck, and she will be allowed to choose freely. Me or you. She will make her announcement tonight at the grand Burning Demon BBQ.”
Zac did not have a good feeling about this. He’d planned to figure out which woman was Tula and then do everything in his power to make sure she knew he was loyal and faithful. Now, he had just a few hours to try to get time with her? He still didn’t know which body she had. And how exactly did Maury plan to court Tula so quickly?
“Sir?” Cindy poked her head inside the living room. “The two women outside want to know where they can freshen up.”
Maury smiled like a beast about to sink its fangs into a juicy meal. “I will show them to their bungalow. And would you kindly escort our deity here to yurt number twelve?”
“Yurt?” The God of Temptation didn’t fucking yurt. He penthoused, villaed, or mansioned. Like a man.
“My apologies, it is all we have available,” said Maury. “But if you can’t handle it, I understand the plane you arrived in has reclining seats.”
Pfft! Shows what he knows. It had bunk beds, a teppanyaki grill, a full bar, a hot tub, and a tanning bed. Didn’t Maury see how relaxed he was after that long flight? “I’ll be just fine in the yurt.”
“Very good.” Maury bowed his head and gestured toward the front door. “Then shall we? There is much to do, and my woman awaits.”
Fucker. Over my dead body will she be yours. Zac held back, refusing to take the bait. The three went outside, where a long line of rowdy demons had formed to await their lodging assignments. They all wore large Wonka sunglasses, sparkly clothes, and Alice in Wonderland hats.
Looks like a festival of Cimil followers. The Cimilites. Their planet had been destroyed long ago, but some had made it to Earth and integrated. These days, their descendants had no idea they were part extraterrestrial. Seems fairly obvious to me. They generally had an unhealthy obsession with unicorns or those dirty romance novels. They also tended to swear a lot.
“Ladies, right this way,” Maury said to Tula and Gola. “I saved the best bungalow for you. I hope you don’t mind sharing.”
So he planned to pamper the two women together? Zac had been hoping to see Maury playing favorites as he attempted to court Tula.
Doesn’t matter. My secret Tula-detecting weapon is in my bag. Or not in my bag? Depended on how one looked at it. Tonight, he was bringing out the big guns. Yes, yes. His biceps. Tula loved them. “I’ll just catch up with you guys later.”