I gulp down and gasp a couple of times. “I don’t know if… if we have anything to say.”
“I do. We do.” His eyes run all over my face. “You cannot deny that there has always been something between us. That special feeling which we haven’t ever experienced before.”
Shit. I do feel that way too, I just didn’t think he would feel it. Not like that. Especially since I’m sure he’s been with lots of women. Probably even loads since we were last together.
“I… I know what you mean,” I answer honestly. “But I don’t know you and I suppose you don’t really know me either. It would be so easy to walk away right now. That would probably be wise.”
“I tried that. It didn’t work. I can’t keep away from you.”
Shit, that’s too much. I can’t stand the idea of him desperate to see me. It makes this even more challenging.
“What the hell is this?” I demand. “What is going on between us?”
“I don’t know.” He laughs, but it’s a mirthless sound. “I want to work it out.”
I have to force myself to pull back from him and as soon as I do the warmth is replaced with an intense cold feeling. I already miss him, which is crazy. I’m not the girl who lost her bag in the bar and needed her bar bill paying anymore. I have almost wrapped up filming my lead role in a movie, I’m slowly becoming someone well known and that has forced a lot more confidence into me… or so I thought. Now I’m not too sure about anything.
“What can we work out?” I step away creating an even bigger distance. “What is there to work out?”
Ring, ring… Ring, ring… Ring, ring…
“That’s what you need to work out.” I nod towards his pocket. “The phone calls. Not me.”
He sighs loudly. “That’s my father calling me,” he admits. “And I don’t want to speak to him.”
I’m silenced and I don’t know why. Plenty of people have issues with their family and it isn’t much of a secret, but I have a feeling with Shane this is just the tip of the iceberg. I don’t know how I can sense but I’m sure the moment all of this comes spilling out there will be layers and layers to it.
“Why… erm?” Shit I need to find the right words. “Why don’t you want to talk to him?”
“It’s complicated. I don’t know how I can explain this to you. It’s… worlds away.”
“Worlds away from what?” What the fuck is he talking about? A heat creeps up my neck.
“From all of this. I don’t know. I don’t know how to explain it to you. Not out here anyway.”
I know that I could invite him inside. I don’t have Rae in there now and I’m sure that I trust him. I’m not scared to be alone with him it just makes me uneasy. I guess what I’m really freaked out about is ending up naked with him. If we’re alone inside, then there’s very little chance of me keeping my clothes on which won’t help anything. Especially while he’s in the mood. This weird mood where anything could happen.
“I don’t think we should go anywhere, Shane. I know I sound like a broken record but I don’t think that’s the best idea. Out here until you give me some answers is all I can offer you.”
“Fucking hell, Tia. It’s like you don’t trust me at all.”
“Can you blame me?” I toss my hands in the air in frustration. “I haven’t ever met anyone like you before. You’re so secretive, you won’t tell me anything about you, and these phone calls…”
It sounds like I’m whining which I don’t like. I don’t even really know what I’m arguing about anymore, I just know that this isn’t right. Him being here is all kinds of wrong, just because we can’t seem to keep away from one another doesn’t mean we should keep going round and round in circles like this.
“Yeah, you’re right.” Shane steps away from me now, and I don’t like the coldness this creates. It’s okay when I’m the one moving away but I don’t like him doing it. “I shouldn’t be here.”
“So, now you’re just going to leave? You’re going to come here after all this time, stir everything up again, then go? How the hell is that fair on me? What was the point of all of this?”
All the anger rolls off my tongue in waves. I can’t stop it from coming. It’s been balling up far more than I thought it was and now it’s coming free. Shane doesn’t look stunned by my outburst though. His expression is resigned, like he knew that this would come his way eventually.
“I wanted to come here to tell you everything, but I don’t think that’s the best idea.”