He had thought long and hard today on his confusion of thoughts at his club the previous night. On what that confusion of feelings, he now felt towards Georgianna, might mean.
The answer had been so shocking that he had sat alone in his study for hours after the truth had hit him squarely between the eyes, totally stunned, at the realisation that he had fallen in love with Georgianna.
He had come here this evening in the hope that if Georgianna would at least allow him to apologise, if he could perhaps persuade her into not hating him, that he could then be content with his lot in life. That he could then accept the little she was prepared to give him, as his ward, and perhaps even as his friend.
Instead he now found he could not. That he wanted so much more from Georgianna than her forgiveness, or her lukewarm friendship. That he wanted all or nothing.
And this conversation with Georgianna told him it was to be nothing.
He straightened abruptly. ‘It only remains for me to bid you goodnight, then, Georgianna.’
She raised startled lids. ‘You are leaving?’
Zachary nodded stiffly. ‘My only reason for coming here this evening was to talk to you. To ask your forgiveness. To see if— In the hope that—’ His jaw tightened as he broke off abruptly.
He had been completely serious in his offer to Georgianna just now, had been fully prepared to get down on his knees and beg her forgiveness for his past actions, if it would in any way help to change how Georgianna now felt towards him. If he could ask for her friendship, at least. Her definitive reply had assured him there was no hope even of that.
Better by far, then, that he should now withdraw and leave Georgianna to enjoy the rest of the evening, to allow her to blossom and glow under the attentions of the other gentlemen present. One of whom she would no doubt one day fall in love with and marry.
‘I do apologise, Georgianna.’ He held himself stiffly, unable to so much as think of Georgianna being married to another man. ‘For all and every wrong I have ever done you. And now, pray be assured, I will not bother you again on this, or any other subject you find so unpleasant.’ He bowed formally before turning on his heel and abruptly leaving the terrace.
Zachary had spoken with such finality that Georgianna could not mistake his words for anything other than what they were. An end to any hope of there ever being so much as a friendship between the two of them.
‘Georgie?’
She was totally unaware of the tears falling down her cheeks as she turned to see that her brother, Jeffrey, had now stepped outside on to the terrace. ‘Did you hear any of that?’ she asked dully.
‘Most of it, I believe,’ Jeffrey admitted as he crossed the terrace to her side before taking both of her hands in his. He looked down at her searchingly. ‘I saw your expression as the two of you left the ballroom together and I was concerned enough to stand guard at the doors, so
that I might be close enough to be of assistance if you should have need of me. Your conversation was not at all what I had imagined. Georgie, am I right in thinking you have fallen in love with Hawksmere?’
‘Yes.’ Georgianna made no attempt to deny it.
Her brother nodded. ‘And he obviously has feelings for you.’
‘Desire is not enough on its own, Jeffrey,’ she assured heavily.
‘Are you so certain that is all that Hawksmere feels for you?’
She smiled sadly. ‘I am sure you heard Zachary say goodbye to me just now? Not necessarily in words, but in the cold formality of his manner?’
‘I heard him saying a reluctant goodbye to you, yes. Georgie—’ Jeffrey frowned ‘—you are much changed since your return from France. You have suffered through so much, more than I know, I am sure. And yet you have survived. More than survived. You have grown into a beautiful and independent woman. More forthright in your manner. Less patient of society’s strictures and more determined where your own wishes are concerned.’
‘Yes.’ Again Georgianna did not attempt to deny it; she had indeed become all of those things these past months.
Her brother nodded. ‘I have no idea how you and Hawksmere can have become so close in such a short time, but I am young still, Georgie, though I am far from stupid,’ he reproved gently as she would have spoken. ‘And there is most certainly something between the two of you. An emotion so strong, so intense, that it is possible to feel the tension in the air whenever the two of you are in a room together.’
Her cheeks warmed. ‘As I said, desire alone is not enough.’
‘I do not believe Hawksmere came here this evening with any intention of making love to you, Georgie,’ her brother reasoned softly. ‘I heard enough of your conversation to know that he wished only to talk to you. To offer to get down on his knees and beg for your forgiveness, for any and all of his past misdeeds to you, if necessary. Can you not give him some credit for that, at least, Georgie? Some understanding of what it must have cost him, such a proud man, to have offered to do such a thing? And to question why he would have made such a self-demeaning offer of apology to you at all?’
She sighed deeply. ‘Who is to know why Hawksmere does anything?’
‘You know, Georgia,’ Jeffrey chided. ‘You know Hawksmere better than anyone, I believe. Is it not time you searched your own heart? That you forgo a little of your own pride? Talk with him again, before the distance between you becomes too wide to ever be crossed,’ he urged softly.
Georgianna did not need to search her own heart to know that she was in love with Zachary.
Could she dare to hope, to believe, that his actions tonight implied he might love her in return?