Heat radiates from his body, and he tightens his grip around me, holding me close to his side. “The milk in the fridge was old, the bread was covered in mold, and a mouse scampered out of the pizza box on the counter. I saw red, Jo. Absolute fuckin’ red. And the worst of it, I’d been in the house for thirty minutes and hadn’t seen Casey.”
“Did she leave Belle alone? My God, Mad, how old was Belle?”
“Belle was only two and a half. Casey was there, in the house. I found her in the storage closet beneath the stairs, her body folded in half, staring into an oblivion that only she could see.”
“Was she on drugs?”
He shakes his head. “No. She’d had a psychotic break. I didn’t realize it, but the signs had been there even when we were together. After I found Casey, I called an ambulance. She was still catatonic when the EMT arrived. She was admitted to the hospital for a mental health observation, and it was quickly determined that she was a harm to herself and others. She was eventually diagnosed with bipolar disorder and schizophrenia. That was when my battle for full custody of Belle began.”
“You actually had to fight for custody?” I don’t know much about the family court system, but it blows my mind that a father would have to fight for a child who is rightfully his.
“Casey’s mother and father wanted custody of Belle. Their attorney argued that I’d abandoned Casey and Belle, which resulted in Casey’s psychotic break.”
“How could they put that on you!?” Fury works its way up my throat, and I’m pissed that the people who are supposed to protect and love this child are the ones who attempted to hurt her the worst.
“It was mere greed, a way to hurt me. But in the end, it all blew back in their faces. I kept records of every call I made to Casey, every attempt to see Belle. Casey’s parents hadn’t seen Belle in months, nor had they had any communication with Casey. They tried to keep the case tied up in court, but I had a good lawyer who fought tooth and nail to ensure that I received full custody of my girl.”
“She’s where she belongs, Mad. You’re an amazing father.”
Madden leans forward and scrubs his hand over his face, the weight of the conversation still burdening him. “I feel like I fail her every day.”
“How, Mad?”
“Today was a prime example, darlin’. Belle’s had night terrors for months because she misses her momma. There’s a void in her heart that I’ve tried to fill, but it’s not enough.”
It’s taken an undeniable strength for Madden to let his guard down and share all of this with me. My heartstrings pull closer and closer to this man and his little girl. Every emotion I’ve fought to keep Madden at arm’s length has been for naught. The inevitable has come to fruition. “Have you seen how her face lights up when she sees you? Look in the mirror, Mad. See the man that I see. The man who lives and breathes each moment to give his daughter life.”
“I don’t know how to take away her fears. How do I explain to my five-year-old that her momma is sick, but not in a physical way that can be seen?”
I don’t know the answer to that, so I respond with the only comforting advice that I can offer. “You stow away the fears and cross that bridge when you come to it. Until then, you hold her when she’s sad and love her a little more.”
Madden leans back and pulls me into his side, his lips pressing a sweet kiss against my forehead. A silence falls between us as Madden pushes the swing into a gentle pace, just two friends consumed by a moment where we both want so much more, but don’t know how to take that first step.
CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE
JORDAN
>>Change of plans today, Healthy Lady.
>Erhm, Mad?
I reply to the text. Shouldn’t Belle be at school right now? Does she even know how to text?
>>Who else would be textin’ ya from my phone, sweetheart?
>Only my bestest friend.
I hope he can feel the snip in my response.
>>She’s five and can only write her name.
Asshole.
>>Sorry to disappoint.
I love it when they grovel.
>So what’s the change of plans?