When the door clicked closed behind her, I felt my entire body deflate. I didn’t know what to do about Darren or Tara. Not only was Tara constantly keeping me at arm’s length, but her father hated me more than anyone ever had. If it were up to him, I would have stayed far away where I could never hurt Tara ever again.
What he didn’t understand was that I would do anything for Tara. She wasn’t just his daughter, she was the love of my life. I’d always known it, but it took me ten years to admit it. There was never anyone else for me. No matter how many women I screwed or how many miles I put between us, it was always Tara. She was always the one.
Now that I knew that, I felt weaker than ever. Everything was in her court. She held all the cards. I couldn’t walk away from her. I never would. But she kept walking away from me. It was up to her to decide what our relationship would be. All I could do was wait, and that was something I’d never been good at.
CHAPTER TWENTY - TARA
A week later, nothing had changed. My illness was still slowly killing me, and I hadn’t told anyone. Caleb and I were still seeing each other, though things between us were more confusing than ever. One day, I was determined to stay away from
him to protect him from the pain my cancer would cause him. The next day, I was tangled in his bedsheets while he rammed my head against the headboard.
No matter how hard I tried to stay away from him, Caleb and I were drawn together like two unwitting magnets. My body called out to his, and my soul couldn’t survive without his presence. I hated myself for it, but I couldn’t stay away from him. Deep down, I didn’t want to. In spite of my illness, I longed to be near Caleb. I was desperate to be with him while I still could.
I only had one day off that week, and Caleb insisted we have lunch together. His leg was healing quickly, and he was almost able to drive again. The doctors insisted he take another week or so before he tried it, just to be on the safe side. I knew it was driving him crazy to stay home all day. He was completely dependent on others if he wanted to leave his apartment, which he hated.
I drove to his place just before lunch. He was waiting for me outside, a smile on his face and his crutches nowhere in sight.
“Notice anything?” he asked as he slid inside the car.
“Dr. McGee already told me,” I said. “You don’t need the crutches anymore.”
“You’re damn right I don’t!” Caleb cheered, and his joy was infectious. I was soon laughing with him as we made our way toward town.
We picked a little diner we’d been to before. Caleb led the way inside, happy to be walking without assistance. I watched his legs closely, my PT brain unable to take a break. His stride was good but still shorter than it should have been. He didn’t limp or wince, which was a positive, but his knee kept trembling. I frowned but didn’t say anything. The last thing I wanted to do was ruin our lunch with talk about his recovery.
We slid into a booth at the back of the diner and waited for our waiter to appear. After we ordered our drinks, I did my best to engage in conversation. Caleb was in the best mood. Being out and off his crutches made him lighter and happier than I’d seen him in ages. “I’ve been thinking,” Caleb said, leaning over the table to be closer to me. “After my physical therapy is done, maybe we should get the hell out of here.”
“What?” I blinked.
“Leave town for a while,” he said with excitement. “Just pack up and bail, you know? We can get away from your dad and all his bullshit. We can just go somewhere and be alone, just you and me.”
He was so excited at the idea and just like that, we were seventeen again. Caleb was proposing the insane idea of running away together, and I was jumping on board without a second thought. The smile that passed over my lips in that diner was the same smile from ten years before. Only this time, it didn’t last.
“I can’t do that,” I said softly. “Come on, Caleb. Be serious. I have a job here. So do you!”
“I can work anywhere,” he said flatly.
“You’ve been so anxious to get back,” I said. “And now you just want to leave town?”
“Yeah.” Caleb nodded and laughed. “I love my job, okay? But there are fire stations everywhere. It’s not like I can’t do what I want in a different city.”
“And me?” I asked.
“Same thing.” He shrugged. “You’ll find a different hospital for your clinical rotation. Easy.”
And to Caleb, it really was that easy. He was ready to drop everything and run away. All he cared about was having an easy life somewhere far away from my father.
“That’s not the way it works Caleb. I still have a month to go, I can’t just change assignments right now. Once I’m done, I’ll graduate and be able to take my boards. Until then, I’m stuck here.”
But even I knew, that was most likely not going to happen now. When Caleb’s physical therapy ended, it would be time for my treatments to begin. The doctors were still finalizing their plans: chemo and radiation, possible surgery. They didn’t yet know the best course of action, but they were determined to begin quickly. I didn’t have long before I would be stuck in that hospital, unable to go outside let alone leave town. My dreams of becoming a licensed therapist were going to be on hold until, or if, I recovered.
“You’re insane,” I said, laughing it off. “We aren’t seventeen anymore. We don’t have to run to be together.”
“But we can,” Caleb said, “if we want to.”
“I don’t,” I said, though that wasn’t entirely true. “I want to stay right here and be with you. Fuck my father. His opinion doesn’t mean shit, right?”
Caleb grinned and leaned across the table to kiss me. It was a light kiss, short and full of joy. When he pulled away, he was still grinning.