“Shit,” Rider muttered, running his hands through his hair. “He didn’t mean that, Mouse.”
I shrugged. Maybe he did. I’d been pretty malleable the last four years. “I never...I never disagreed with them over anything, you know. I owe them so much, so I always agreed with whatever they wanted. Whatever they thought best. Like they’ve been pushing this whole med school thing, and I don’t want to do that. But I agreed to look at these pamphlets anyway. I don’t even know why. I think I want...”
“You want what?”
“I think I want to go into social work.” I waited for him to laugh. He didn’t. I sat a little straighter. “It’s something that makes sense to me. I could help people like you and me, but Carl had laughed and asked if I was being serious. He said I wouldn’t make any money.”
“Not everything is about money.”
“Exactly.”
“Money helps, though.” He paused. “Carl seems like a good man. He was angry. People say stupid crap when they’re mad.” A muscle throbbed in his jaw. “But I...”
“What?” I asked when he didn’t finish.
Rider opened his mouth and then shook his head. “We should get back to school. I don’t want you to get into any more trouble.”
I slid off the bed and found my socks. When I was finished, Rider was pulling a skull cap on. Tufts of hair curled along the edges. He was silent as we headed downstairs and out to my car.
Little balls of unease had formed in my stomach. I turned the ignition key and looked over at him. “Is everything okay?”
“Yeah. Everything’s fine.” He looked over at me. “Can you drop me off at their aunt’s? It’s on the way to school.”
I studied him for a moment and then nodded. I needed to stop being paranoid, I told myself as I followed his directions to the aunt’s house. Once there, I got out of the car and Rider met me on my side. He placed his hands on my cheeks and slid his thumbs along my jaw. Lowering his head, he kissed me softly, tenderly—a long kiss, one that left me breathless.
I didn’t know what it was, but something about the kiss felt different than the ones we’d shared earlier. Something about it felt a little sad.
Chapter 35
As soon as I walked through the door, Rosa pounced. “Sit.” All but dragging me into the kitchen, she gestured at a chair. Two mugs were waiting on the table, and I could smell the stick of cinnamon she always liked to place in her tea.
Taking a deep breath, I did just as she ordered. I didn’t think the school had called since I’d made it to most of my classes, and I wasn’t about to ask. As I waited for her to speak, I couldn’t help but think the morning with Rider felt like forever ago. I was looking forward to reliving every detail when I next talked to Ainsley—I’d texted her earlier and it was a miracle her eruption of squees hadn’t broken my phone.
“The first thing I want to say is that Carl and I love you,” Rosa said. “We love you as much as we loved Marquette, and I hope you realize that. What Carl said yesterday was not okay. He was angry and worried about you. That’s not a justification for his words. He owes you a big apology.”
Placing my foot on the chair, I hugged my knee close to my chest. At least it didn’t appear like the school had called. “I don’t...want him to apologize.”
“He needs to.”
I shook my head. “I just want him— I want things to go back...” I trailed off, realizing what I was about to say. I want things to go back to the way they were. And that wasn’t true.
I didn’t want anything to go back to the way it had been.
“You’re right,” I said, lifting my chin. “He needs to apologize.”
“And he will.” She studied me. “There’s something you need to understand about Carl. It’s not my story to tell. I just hope you give him a chance.”
I thought of some of the things Carl had said yesterday, things that made it seem like he had experience with what happened this weekend. I squeezed my knee. “I will.”
“Good.” She took a sip of her tea. “Carl and I talked a lot while you were gone yesterday, about you and about Rider.”
Oh, I didn’t like where this was going. Reaching over, I picked up my mug and took a drink. The warm liquid hit my throat, but it didn’t loosen the knots in my stomach.
“In the four years since we’ve had you, never once did you raise your voice to us. You’ve always agreed with whatever we wanted, no matter what it was.” She paused, and my eyes shot to her. Her knuckles were white as she placed her cup on the table. “You don’t want to go to med school, do you?”
That came out of left field.
The immediate instinct was to assuage her concerns, to tell her yes, because I knew that was what she wanted to hear, but I...I couldn’t do it anymore.