She placed her hand on my chest. “Of course. I trust you. I guess I need this to just be over before I figure out my next steps, is all.”
“I understand,” I said to her, and I meant it. “But you need to understand this, Dream, this will be over soon. I promise you that.”
She looked at me like she almost believed me and my heart ached.
“From your lips to God’s ear, Chance.”
CHAPTER 18 – DREAM
I woke alone in bed the next morning. Chance had gone out early to clear a path to his truck in case we needed to get out fast. It was getting colder in the house. I pulled on an extra pair of socks and wrapped myself in Chance’s robe before padding my way to the living room, where I found him sleeping peacefully on the couch.
I went over and sat beside him, brushing the hair away from his face and then not being able to resist, I leaned forward and kissed his cheek.
“What time is it?” His voice was gritty, and he made a strangled sound as he stretched.
“It’s just before eight in the morning.”
He stood up and walked over to the fire, tossing on a few more logs. Before long, the room was toasty warm and the wood sizzled and popped in the hearth. “Did you sleep ok?” he asked, turning to look at me.
“Yeah, but I feel like that’s all I’ve been doing. Sitting here, waiting for Nick to make his move is making me a little crazy.”
Chance nodded and came to sit next to me on the couch, wrapping his arm around me and pulling me close to him. “I know, but it’s all we can do right now. If he’s going to come, I want to have home field advantage,” he said.
I sighed and put my head on his shoulder. “Can I ask you a question?” I ventured.
“Sure, you can ask me anything,” he said.
“You’re really good with Star, and you mentioned being married before. I’m just wondering why you don’t have kids of your own?”
He was quiet for a moment. “Well, my ex and I tried for a long time to get pregnant before I left for my tour, but it never happened. When I came home after I was injured, things kind of went south for us. I guess it just wasn’t in the cards for us,” he said, a hint of regret in his voice.
I nodded. “Did you ever want kids?” I pressed.
“Yeah, very much so,” he answered. “What about you?”
Now it was my time to be quiet. I didn’t really want to answer his question, but I’d been the one to open the door, so I couldn’t very well slam it shut in his face.
“Um, yeah. Yeah, I always wanted kids, but I don’t know if I can have them,” I said, exhaling shakily.
Chance turned to look at me. “Why not?”
I swallowed thickly as I felt tears burn the backs of my eyes. “Well, I was actually pregnant once. With Nick.”
His brows rose. “Oh? What happened?”
I cleared my throat and told him everything. I told him how I had given Nick a beer instead of a scotch one night and he had called me a stupid bitch and thrown me down the basement steps. I told him how I’d started to bleed almost immediately and how the pain had been nearly unbearable. I shared with him my horror at finding out that the baby had died, that Nick had said it had been my fault, and that I’d carried around unimaginable guilt at feeling relief that I didn’t have one more thing to tie me to Nick forever.
Chance stayed quiet and held me as I cried. I could feel the anger coming off him in waves.
“There was some damage, and I never got pregnant again after that, even with all the times Nick forced himself on me. I’m not sure I’m able to have kids,” I finished.
The muscles bunched in Chance’s jaw and his hands were fisted in his lap. “That motherfucker,” he spat. “I swear to you on everything I am, Dream, that that sorry excuse for a man will never hurt you again. I’ll cut off his dick and choke himself with it if I have to.”
I couldn’t help but smile at the image and I kissed his cheek before wrapping my arms around my knees and drying my tears.
He kissed the top of my head as he rose and went outside to gather more wood for the fire.
He was just so amazing, and I knew with everything in me that if he asked me to stay in Buffalo with him and be a family, I’d do it in a heartbeat.
I walked to the door and was about to go out when I heard him talking on the other side of the door. It sounded like he’d stopped on the porch to call and check on Star, and I knew the frustration must be building with not being able to talk to her.