She looked down at the desk, disquieted by his torment. ‘I guess it wasn’t that kind of relationship,’ she said dully, her eyes fastening on the letter of resignation.
Maybe it would never be...for him. He had kept her at a distance all along. She knew so little about him. She hadn’t even known about his mother. ‘You don’t have to feel guilty about it, David,’ she blurted out defensively. ‘You didn’t force me into anything I didn’t want, and it’s not your fault that I wanted more than you did.’
‘I wasn’t aware,’ he said quietly. ‘I’m sorry that you felt...so...unappreciated.’
Unloved.
Her heart clenched. Was she aiming for the impossible? She couldn’t bear to look at him, to see the answer in his eyes. She stared at her signature on the letter of resignation. ‘Perhaps it’s best that I leave now,’ she said, giving him the opportunity to state his feelings, wanting him to be honest, yet dreading it.
Silence.
Caitlin felt the whole weight of her future pressing down on her. She fiercely willed David to meet her halfway on the path towards the closeness she desperately wanted with him.
‘I realise...that after last night...’ he began with obvious difficulty.
Caitlin held her breath. Her mind screamed at him...don’t let me go!
‘If you can find it in your heart to give me...us...another chance, Caitlin...I want you to stay on with me,’ he said, each word measured as though chosen with great care.
Caitlin’s mind dizzied with relief. She breathed again. She lived again. It took her several moments to regain enough composure to lift her head and look David straight in the eye. ‘I need your trust, David.’
‘You have it. It will never falter again, Caitlin. That I promise you,’ he answered gravely.
She wanted to ask about his mother, but was wary of pressing too far, too soon. There had to be some highly sensitive issue involved for David to have reacted in the way he had to the idea of Crawley’s exploiting it. Leave well enough alone for now, she decided. She had achieved her first aim. There could be no love without trust.
‘Thank you,’ she said, wishing he would close the distance between them, haul her into his arms, and kiss her with all the pent-up need she felt. He looked as if he was tempted, very tempted. But they were in the office. That had always imposed restraints.
Break them! The rebellious thought burned through her mind. Then she remembered the miserable failure of her attempt to break David’s schedule yesterday morning, and how it had eaten away his trust last night. An agreement was an agreement. Although she was not going to agree to it any more. If David wanted to resume a love-affair with her, the terms had to change. Love shouldn’t have to remain bottled up and hidden half the time.
She forced her mind to push that issue into abeyance and concentrate on business. ‘A fax came in from the German delegation. You’d better read it,’ she said crisply, then turned to tear the sheet of paper out of the machine.
It would certainly test David’s trust, she thought ruefully. Herr Schmidt had confirmed that he and his associates had spent yesterday afternoon talking to Michael Crawley. He didn’t precisely say that any deal with the Hartley company was dead, but it was plain he expected David to woo him back to the conference table if there was to be any further talking.
She heard David coming towards her and took a few deep calming breaths before turning to hand him the page of potential dynamite. She didn’t realise how close he was to her until she swung around and bumped into him. His hands surrounded her waist. To steady her? Or...? She glanced up sharply, unaware of the flash of intense vulnerability in her eyes.
‘Caitlin...’ It was a raw groan. He lifted a hand to her cheek, touching it as though driven by the need to feel her skin, her flesh, her warmth. The tortured questions in his eyes were suddenly consumed by a flare of desire. His fingers raked through her hair. He scooped her body against his. Before Caitlin could catch her breath his mouth was on hers, hungry, urgent, seeking possession with a passion that would not be denied.
It was a fierce and total abandonment of his office rules. Caitlin did not know what had triggered it. She didn’t care. It swept away all the fears and nerve-tearing tension that had made hell of the hours of loneliness. It was release, reassurance, re-affirmation of what they felt with each other, and so intense were the feelings aroused that they left little room for thought of where this might lead.
An insistent little voice in the back of her mind started beating a drum of warning. She was giving in again, demonstrating to David that she was his to take whenever he felt like it. Was she going to let him have his way with her? Suit his convenience? Wasn’t this putting her back to where she was before she had walked out yesterday?
She wrenched her mouth from his, ashamed of her feverish response to his kisses. ‘No,’ she gasped, shaking her head out of his grasp in protest.
Her eyes flew up to his in harried confusion. He wanted her. He wanted her so much that he didn’t care what any staff member who happened upon them might think. But she cared. She didn’t want to be thought of as David Hartley’s ‘affair on the side’. It cheapened what she felt.
‘David, I’m here as your assistant. Nothing else,’ she declared, her green eyes fiercely challenging the power of his attraction and his expectation that she was always going to succumb to it.
‘Sorry, I forgot,’ he said apologetically. ‘Please remind me if it happens again.’ He was as unrepentant as it was possible to be.
Caitlin had the impression from the manner in which his eyes were shining at her that she might have to remind him on a regular and frequent basis.
He was still pressing her body to his. There was satisfaction reflected in his eyes. Caitlin rebelled against it, pushing herself out of his embrace. Only then did she see the forgotten, half-crumpled fax in her hand.
‘Look at this!’ she cried, shaking it at him. ‘It’s not good news, David.’ She knew from previous incidents how he would react when he saw it. She would be forgotten.
He took the sheet and scanned the print with about as much interest as he would give to junk mail. ‘Caitlin, tell them to deal with Crawley if they wish, but we’re not interested in dealing with anyone who deals with Crawley.’ He tossed the page into the disposal bin.
‘But you...I thought...’ She bit her lips. It was his decision and it was not her place to question it, yet it was such a turnaround of attitude from him.