She said, horrified, “Oh, no! I want to expand what you’ve done. Add another voice, make it harder for the critics to gang up on us. And now you’re calling me. I hardly know what to say.”
Neither did I. To think, I’d wanted to sue her, and here she was sounding like one of my biggest fans. I could have cried. “Thanks, I guess.”
“So why are you sitting at home bored and not doing The Midnight Hour?”
“Let’s just say I’ve had a rough couple of months.”
Again, she hesitated, just a moment this time. She came back, almost shy. “Do you want to talk about it?”
Did I? On the air? But I had to admit, she was good. She knew the trick of making the caller feel like it was just the two of you having a chat over a cup of tea. Maybe I could talk a little.
I glanced at Ben, still listening to the radio turned way low. He kind of looked like he was suppressing a grin.
“A friend of mine was attacked and infected with lycanthropy a couple weeks ago. I’ve been taking care of him, and it’s b
een tough. Another friend just got arrested for something he did to save my life. He’s being charged with a felony. It’s complicated. It also feels like the last straw. No matter how much you try to do the right thing, you get screwed over. Makes it easy to just drop out. To give up.”
“But not really. Life gets hard, but you don’t just run away.”
“Except there’s this thing inside me, the wolf side of me, and all she wants to do is run away. I’m really having to fight that.”
“But you’ve always won that fight. I listen to your show. That’s one of the great things about it, how you always tell people to be strong, and they listen to you. You understand.”
“I’m flying by the seat of my pants most of the time.”
“And that’s gotten you this far, hasn’t it?”
Was sultry Ariel giving me a pep talk? Was it working? I was a bit taken aback, that here was this person I didn’t know, out on the airwaves, rooting for me.
Maybe I’d forgotten that anyone was rooting for me.
I smiled in spite of myself. “So what you’re saying is I just have to keep going.”
“Isn’t that what you always tell people?”
“Yeah,” I murmured. Nothing like having that mirror held up to you, or your words thrown back at you. “I think you’re right. I just have to keep going. I never thought I’d say this, Ariel. But thanks. Thanks for talking to me.”
“I’m not sure I really said anything.”
“Maybe I just needed someone to listen.” Someone who wasn’t depending on me to keep it together. “I’ll let you go back to your show now.”
Ariel said, “Kitty, I’m really worried about you.”
“How about I give you a call in a couple of weeks and let you know how it’s going? Or you could give me a call.”
“It’s a date. Take care, Kitty.”
I shut off the phone and sat on the edge of the bed.
I felt Ben staring at me, but I didn’t want to look back. Didn’t want to face him and whatever snide thing he was about to say. But the room was too small for us to avoid each other for long. I looked at him.
He said, “You really need to get back to doing your show. The sooner the better. You’re too good at it not to.”
I wanted to cry. What I couldn’t say—not to Ariel, not to him, not to anyone—was that I was too scared to go back. Scared that I couldn’t keep it going anymore. I felt like I’d rather quit than fail.
Slowly, I walked over to him, putting a slink in my step and a heat in my gaze. I needed distracting. I sat on his lap, straddling him, pinning him to the chair, and kissed him. Kissed him long and slow, until he put his arms around me and held me tight. Until his grip anchored me.
“Come to bed, Ben,” I breathed, and he nodded, kissing me again.