Much later than either of us had planned on, we’re both getting dressed. I’m focused on buttoning my blouse. Trying to figure out how to say it out loud.
“Hey, what’s the matter?”
How does he do that? “Um, I was just thinking that while I’m really happy about us, and what happened last night, and I’m looking forward to it happening again. I don’t want to go public with it at work.”
He moves fast, pulling up my chin, his eyes won’t let me hide. “I don’t see why we should hide. Tim and Edward won’t care, they’ll be happy for us.”
“It’s not Tim and Edward I’m worried about. It’
s the other employees I work with on a daily basis. When things start changing, they won’t know it’s all been planned out and in the works. All they’ll see is you moving up and us together, and then when you take over, I move up. They’ll think I was willing to do anything to get the job I lost out on before.”
“Who gives a shit what anyone thinks? I can talk to Tim and Edward and announce the plan now.”
“We’re past that point. Please, I’ve been working with these people for years. I’ve never really fit in, this will make it worse.”
“Grace, it’s clear how hard you’ve worked. I don’t think you give yourself enough credit. People know you come in and stay late, they might not say it to your face but they do talk about it. There’s also some jealous, bitchy gossip about how you have no life outside of work, no one will be surprised about you moving up.”
I’m not ready, not yet. “Please, Alex, for now.” Alex looks hurt, yet I can’t back down. Finally, he nods and I can breathe. Going up on my toes, I kiss his cheek. “Thank you, Alex.”
“For now.”
“For now.” I nod, my mind starts working on the later.
“Since I’m giving in on this, I want you at my place this weekend, all weekend long you’re mine.”
“Sounds good to me.”
“Good, pack a bag but don’t put too many clothes in it because you won’t need them. I love seeing you blush. Give me a kiss, before I go.”
Walking him to the door, I lean in and the kiss quickly becomes hot and full of need. I’m breathless when he pulls away.
“Six hours and then you’ll be under me. It’s going to be a long six hours, baby.”
Breathless, all I can do is nod and then he’s gone. Leaning against the door, I struggle to catch my breath. Damn, he’s quickly becoming addictive. Closing my eyes, I hope he’ll still feel the same way when I tell him that I have to quit.
The flood of the elevators pinging reaches me. I’m not paying attention to the spreadsheet in front of me. I feel his eyes on me and I look up.
“Ready?” His eyes are hungry.
“Yes, I’ll follow you in a minute. Where do you live?”
“No, you’re coming with me. I’m not going to be able to wait for you.”
“Alex,”
“I’ll let you follow me out to my car but don’t make me walk you to it because you won’t like it.”
His face is hard. I sigh. “Okay, fine. Give me five minutes.”
He nods and he’s gone. I swallow the lump in my throat. Fuck, I’m feeling jumbled up inside. All these feelings, need, hunger, desire... I’ve never felt them before and I’m having a hard time processing them. It’s only when I’m away from him that I feel somewhat normal yet there’s also a constant longing to be with him. Shaking my head, I start to shut down. There’s no figuring it out right now. I’m not sure it really matters. I want to be with Alex, have wanted him for what feels like forever, everything else feels secondary.
When I get to the garage, I see Alex leaning against his car. He opens the door and I slip inside. The trunk goes up and he tosses my bag into it.
“Where do you live?” I feel like I should know already.
“Don’t hold it against me, I bought it sight unseen from Boston. I live in the Water Tower building. The only things I told the real estate agent I needed was to be close to work and it needed to have a gym. The place seemed easy enough, they wanted just over what I was willing to spend and I negotiated down.”
Once again, all the ways we’re different crowd my mind. I’ve walked by the Water Tower building often, I’ve even met people who lived there but I have never even been inside. The question won’t go away, “What were you willing to spend?”