“Come on, sweetheart, come into the living room and have some dinner. You haven’t eaten since the omelet almost eight hours ago.”
I shake my head. I don’t want to get out of bed. It’s safe in here. “Go away.” The moment the words are out of my mouth they taste bitter. I don?
?t mean it. But I don’t take them back. I bury my head in the pillow; why was I awake? I don’t want to be awake. Dante sighs loud, then he walks away. Good, I don’t want to eat. I don’t want to talk, I want to sleep.
I’m floating in and out of sleep; the smallest sounds wake me and I’m getting frustrated when the lights go on. “Turn off the lights, damn it.”
“You need to eat. Sit up and eat or I’ll leave the lights on until you do.”
“Go away, leave me alone.”
“No, I’m not going away, I’m not leaving you alone. Sit up and eat, damn it, or I’ll tan your damn hide.”
Asshole. I hate him. I sit up and take the stupid plate, then I throw it across the room. “Go away!”
One minute I’m yelling, the next I’m over Dante’s shoulder being walked down the hall. He sets me down on the couch gently, I push him away. “I hate you. I’m not hungry.”
Mac starts barking up a storm at Dante. The sound shocks me—Mac never barks. What the hell is the matter with me? I blink and the damn tears are back. Fuck. Dante’s arms go around me. “It’s okay. I know it hurts. It’s okay to cry.”
After I choke down the minestrone soup and some bread, Dante carries me into the bathroom and settles me in the tub. We lie in the tub, not talking, just holding each other. Maybe an hour later, we’re in bed. Only now I’ve had too much sleep, and no matter how hard I try I can’t fall asleep again. Finally Dante does; it’s a deep sleep, but he’s tense even now. A pang of guilt hits me—I know he didn’t sleep last night. He sat up all night long in the uncomfortable recliner holding my hand.
What does this mean? What do we do now? Where do we go from here? He’s not mad now, but he’s going to grow to resent me. I had one job, one, and I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t keep our baby safe. It was those damn birth control pills, it was me being so fucking stupid and not realizing on three days out of a seven-day trip I missed a pill. I did this to us by screwing up in the first place. This whole thing is my fault. Dante was so happy, so damn excited and now I’ve hurt him, taken his dream away from him. I don’t deserve him, I never really did, and he’s going to figure that out now.
19
Dante
I check the time; I have ten minutes before my alarm goes off. Carefully, I settle Bethany onto her side. Then I turn off my alarm on the clock and the one on the blinds. There’s no putting it off any longer.
Taking my phone into my walk-in closet, I call Che; around now he should be in the car on the way to work. “Hey, what’s up?”
Damn this is hard. I swallow again. “Saturday night, Bethany had a miscarriage. I’m not going in until... hell, I don’t know. Until I’m sure she’s not going to fall apart all over again if I leave her.”
His gasp is loud. “Holy shit, I’m so sorry. I don’t even know what to say other than I’m so damn sorry. Yeah, I’ll handle everything. Take care of her, take care of yourself. You lost something too—she’s not the only one hurting.”
The lump is too big in my throat to talk around. “Thanks.” It’s all I can say before I hang up.
I find the number for the clinic and get Harriet. I tell her what happened and ask that for the next week a replacement covers Bethany’s shift. Thankfully, she’s understanding and assures me it will be handled.
Then I flick through my phone to find Bethany’s therapist, Jennifer. I’m surprised when she answers. I tell her what happened and what Bethany said last night and ask if there’s any way she can see Bethany today. She’s quiet for a minute, I hear her flipping pages. “I’m booked solid all day. However, I am willing to stay late for her. I can do a six thirty appointment.”
“Works for me, I’ll have her there.”
“And you too, Dante, I need you to join the session as well.”
Damn it. I’ve gone in once before at Bethany’s insistence so her therapist could see with her own eyes what a know-it-all asshole Bethany was putting up with and that she wasn’t exaggerating. This time, though, I understand it’s what Bethany needs. “Fine. I’ll be there too.”
Dressed for comfort in khakis and a plain T-shirt, I go back into the bedroom to find Bethany still asleep. While I’m not happy how she’s hiding in sleep, I understand and I’m not going to force her out of it, yet.
Before I make it into the kitchen I hear Claudine moving around. She turns to look at me. Her eyes are swollen as if she’s been crying; she moves toward me and wraps her arms around me. “I’m so sorry, Dante, for you both.”
I nod, not able to reply. I refuse to break down while Bethany needs me to be strong.
I’m finishing breakfast when Bethany comes into the kitchen dressed in her scrubs. She sidesteps Claudine, her eyes down as she mumbles sorry. Claudine pats her arm. “It’s fine. What can I get you for breakfast?”
“Nothing, I’m not hungry. I do hate to put you through it, but can you please handle the cancellation for the wedding? Here’s Rhonda’s number, the wedding planner—”
Of all the fucking— “Claudine, there’s no cancellation. I think we’re good for the day. Take today off.”