I force down my fear, “Nothing. I can’t believe how tiny it is. It’s the size of a grape right now.”
“Are you sure we can’t find out if it’s a boy or girl?”
Laughing, I shake my head. “Not yet. You’ll have to wait until we hit five months.”
“Fine, does this mean we’ll go with some gender-neutral mint green color in the nursery?”
Fear clogs my throat; I swallow it down. “Do you know in the Jewish culture you don’t buy furniture or decorate or buy clothes until the baby is born?”
“That’s crazy. Where do you put the baby when you bring her home? Do you know how long it’s going to take to put a nursery together?”
“I don’t think it’s a horrible idea. I also know how rich you are, and it will take an hour to buy everything the baby will need and another for it to be delivered. The baby doesn’t need one of those tricked-out nurseries.”
He sighs as he opens the door for me to get into the car. “Sweetheart, stop looking for trouble when there isn’t any. The doctor said—"
“Things happen, miscarriages are more frequent than anyone wants to talk about. I’m just asking you to give it a few months, even a few weeks until we’re out of the first trimester before we start buying stuff and painting rooms.”
“What good does waiting do?”
“What does it hurt? If something does happen we have an empty room decorated for a baby who isn’t coming home.”
“Bethany, it’s silly to let fear prevent you from doing what we need to do to prepare for the baby.”
“So my valid concern is silly? My request for you to respect my concern is silly?” The car stops, we’re at the mobile clinic. I’m so angry and frustrated with Dante I slam out of the car, ignoring him calling after me.
At work I try to focus, but I keep going over the argument in my head. I can’t believe Dante. By the time lunch comes I’m dialing Alicia before I even think of getting food.
“Hey, how did the doctor’s visit go? Everything okay?”
“I don’t know. I’m a little worried. My hCG levels are pretty low from where they should be, from my levels she thought I was only five weeks but by my sonogram it’s seven weeks. Then it took forever for her to find it on the sonogram.”
“Deep breath, hCG levels are all over the place those first few weeks. Mine were—it’s why they do the sonogram to know for sure. It always feels like forever before they find the baby. I also thought she was pressing way too hard the first time.”
“Stop making sense. I’m really angry with Dante right now. He’s—”
“Hold on, wait, stop. One question first. Is whatever he’s doing mentally, physically or emotionally mean or cruel or hurtful?”
“What? Of course not. Why would you ask that?”
“Because pretty much that’s only the reason you should be telling me what’s going on in your relationship. I love you, but what happens in your relationship, all the little things he does to make you crazy, all the petty arguments and disagreements are between you two. Do not take it out to others, except your therapist, and she’ll make the call to bring him in or not.”
I gasp at her order. “Alicia.”
“Don’t Alicia me. Didn’t you read the book I recommended? Do you have any idea how hard it is for the people who love and care about you not to take your side in an argument, but did you really give both sides, and is it really as bad as you think it is? Even if it is, unless it’s really bad and a continuous thing, which is why you should share it with your therapist, don’t drag friends and family into your relationship. Just don’t.”
Damn it. “Fine, whatever.” I hang up on her, pissed at her unwillingness to let me vent and tell me I’m right. Therapy isn’t until tomorrow, and I don’t want to argue with Dante any more. A text comes through from Dante, I ignore it. Even if he’s apologizing I’m not ready to let it go so quickly, and if it’s worse and he’s not apologizing, then I don’t want to get more pissed off at work.
***
Dante
Damn it, she’s not reading my text.
“What’s the matter?”
I shake my head. “Bethany. We went to the doctor today and Bethany is spooked. She’s not wanting to decorate a nursery or buy anything for the baby yet.”
“Why is she spooked?”