“Don’t get loud with me. I would have to spend a fortune to turn it into somewhere I would feel comfortable. In the back of my mind I would always be waiting for Alicia and Cesare to take it back. It’s not crazy for me to want to make my own home on my own terms.” I’m trying to enjoy my creamy sweet pudding, only it’s hard when Dante is getting loud.
“It’s crazy to turn down over ten thousand square feet in one of the best buildings in the city for some eight hundred square foot walk-up without a doorman in a sketch area for your pride.” He’s yelling now.
“You are not loud you’re yelling, stop it, you are ruining my dessert time.”
He sighs, then takes a deep breath as he runs his hand through his hair. I’m such a weirdo for getting turned on by his passionate response. What would he be like in bed? I mean other than the skill, what would he look like, his hair mussed, his eyes sleepy? “Bethany?” Our eyes meet for a split second. Oh shit, he knows, he fucking knows what I’m thinking. “Eat your dessert.”
Holy crap, I’m blushing so hard my head is swimming.
The sound of him clearing his voice is loud in the room. “As far as going to Che’s on Sunday. I think it’s better if we went separately.”
It’s a punch to the gut. I can’t breathe. I’m fucking pathetic. He’s grossed out at the mere idea of being in the same car as me. I recoil, determined to get away before I start crying in front of him.
“Bethany, wait.” Shaking my head, I keep going. “Damn it, stop.”
“Stay away from me. If you think I’m so gross you don’t want to be near me, you don’t have to be such an asshole about it.” A hand goes around my arm, then I’m up against the wall. Holy shit, Dante is pressing against me, his hot hard body sinking into me. I melt into him. My whole body is coursing with an electricity so strong my teeth clench tight.
A hand comes under my chin, forcing my eyes up to his. “How the hell could you think that? Christ, I’ve already told you I think your body is perfect. Do you feel how hard you make me? Every time I even think of you, this is what you do to me. Except this is a very bad idea. As much as I want you, you deserve more than what I am able to give you.”
I feel him, wow do I feel him. As scary as he promises to be, a hot rush of wet heat floods me, greedy to accept him. Damn it, screw the fear; I’m more afraid I’ll never feel anything like this again. “All I want is you, Dante. Please.”
The temptation to touch him is too strong. I press my hand to his cheek. Scratchy bristles don’t take away from the silky soft skin beneath my fingertips. He trembles, closing his eyes, and I marvel at his response. Thank fucking god, this crazy, insane desire isn’t just me, he feels it too. His hand catches mine, his hold tight as he presses his lips against the back of my hand. “We can’t, there would be too many complications.”
I’m not surprised at his words. “It’s only as complicated as we allow it to be. We make a plan, we stick to it. Just us, just sex, just for a little while.”
“No, Bethany. You and me could never be simple.” I’m in agony as he pushes away from me and walks away. I hate him.
6
Bethany
The trilling of my cell phone ringing yanks me out of a sexy, hot, wet, very wet dream. I’m already pissed when I swipe it off the bedside table only for it to stop ringing in my hand. Fucking shit. I barely manage not to throw it across the room. I check the display: Alicia.
Rolling onto my back, I’m glad I didn’t get a chance to answer, I’m not sure I wouldn’t have spilled my guts. Something tells me Alicia wouldn’t be happy. Which doesn’t change the fact I want Dante. Only it’s not anything as tepid as wanting. I want a lot of things, but with most I couldn’t care less if I actually get them. I don’t want Dante; I need him. Even though it scares the shit out of me, I can’t think of any other word that fits.
I have hated every minute I didn’t have some form of contact from him. It wasn’t until I saw him again after almost a week without him that all the angst and anger churning inside me melted away. Even though he caused a different riot of emotions—need, desire, a giddy happiness—all the negative stuff disappeared and my world was right again. Sitting across from him, the easy quiet was something I’ve only experienced with Alicia. I wasn’t thinking of what I should say or wondering what he was thinking; we were together and it was enough for me.
I’m not delusional enough to think me and Dante will go the distance, I’ll be ecstatic if we make it longer than six months, but I do know I’m not willing to let the fear of what might happen stop me from enjoying the now. Because there’s no guarantee of tomorrow for anyone, something PA school slammed home real quick. I am not willing to wait for Dante when he’s right in front of me, wanting me the same way I want him.
As I consider my options, I wonder how many I actually have. I want to call Alicia back and ask her advice, only I’m pretty sure she’ll freak hardcore. I’m beginning to wonder if she’ll ever see me as an adult capable of knowing what’s right for me. I get I’m lucky to have someone who cares enough to want me to not get hurt or stumble, but I also know it’s a part of life to experience the good and the bad. Hello, I didn’t try and tell her not to go after Cesare.
Then it comes to me, Lydia. Alicia said if it weren’t for Lydia, she doubted she and Cesare would ever have gotten together. Over the last two years Lydia has been awesome enough to make me feel like she isn’t just Alicia’s friend, she’s mine too. I love her crazy sense of humor and the way she says exactly what she’s thinking. I’m pretty sure she’ll be willing to help me. Even though my mind is fuzzy, I send a text asking her when we can meet for lunch. I roll out of bed and am finishing brushing my teeth when she responds she’s free for lunch today after her client. Awesome, we set a time to meet at Goldfinches.
After finishing breakfast, and while I’m working on my second cup of coffee, I call Alicia back.
“Hi, you’re coming over tomorrow, right? I have pregnancy brain and can’t remember if I asked you to.”
“Yep, we’ve talked every day this week and every day you mention it. I’ll be there. Are you sure you don’t want me to bring something?”
“Nope, we’re good. You can bring your bathing suit, if you want to get in the pool. Matteo loves the pool.”
I shudder at the idea of wearing a swimsuit in front of Dante. I don’t want to scare him away. “I don’t have a swimsuit. I threw my last one away. It was all overstretched and icky.”
“Ah, too bad. When we go shopping next week we’ll put one on the list. I’ll make sure Dante drives you, so you can have a drink or two if you want. A word of warning: Dante has a thing for being on time, don’t leave him waiting on you.”
Ugh, I hate shopping. At least Alicia does too, so it shouldn’t be too painful. “Whoopie.” I’m squirming in my chair at the thought of the hour-long drive out to the ’burbs alone with Dante. “Do you think Dante will resent having to drive me? I don’t want to annoy him.” I don’t feel a tiny bit guilty at clinching it so Dante has to drive me.
“Of course not, don’t even think it. I think it’s a good way for you two to get to know each other better.”