ts talking.
“Now, dear, I want you to know how happy I am you and Trey are getting married. You’ve given me my son back. He’s almost as sweet and charming and light as he was before he married Susan, and she put him through hell. I want you to know Trey has talked to me and let me know my talk of grandchildren needs to stop, because you won’t be having any and you’ve made the decision together. While I won’t say I’m not disappointed, that is for me and Trey’s father to deal with. Your reasons are, I’m sure, good for you, and that’s what matters. Trey’s father and I support you both in all the decisions you make. Family is important and the only thing that matters.”
Her words, so sweet, cut me deeper than I would have ever thought possible. Especially as they are a lie. Trey didn’t make the decision, and it wasn’t for a good reason.
“Oh no, now I’ve upset you, and it wasn’t my intention at all. Please, sweetie, I simply wanted you to know you won’t be bothered with hints or any other nonsense.”
Tears well up. How can she really be so nice to me when I’m keeping her from something she admitted she wants?
“Kate, look at me. I have my son back, and now I finally have the daughter I’ve always wanted. Don’t you dare tell Tiffany, I’m happy to call you a daughter and have you in my family. Your love and caring for Trey shines clearly. Tiffany, she likes Alan, but she likes his name and money more. For you it’s obvious none of that matters—it’s Trey that matters to you. That’s the wife I want for my son.”
Fuck, I can’t fight the tears, and she pulls me into a tight hug.
“Oh, Kate. I’m sorry. I really didn’t mean to make you cry.”
I cry harder, and it takes an embarrassing amount of time to get myself under control. Sniffling, I wipe my tears away and manage to calm down enough to apologize, it’s brushed aside.
“Sweetie, I’m sorry, but I can’t understand what you said.”
“It’s not a good reason why I don’t want children. I’m scared. That’s why I don’t want children.”
“Sweetheart, there’s nothing wrong with that at all. Having children isn’t just scary, it’s terrifying. A person who isn’t just a little scared doesn’t really know what they’re getting into. The reason why you don’t want children doesn’t matter—the reason why you do is the only one that’s important. If a child isn’t your deepest wish and dream and you don’t want that child with your whole heart, then, sweetheart, don’t have one.”
Everything she says makes so much sense, and I finally understand why she’s such an amazing mother. “Thank you for being so nice, Elise, when I don’t feel like I deserve it.”
“Oh, pardon my French, but bullshit. You deserve all the good you receive. Trey hasn’t divulged your secrets, but he’s hinted you had a difficult childhood without a mother and father to give you the love you deserve. From now on you can call me Mom. If it makes you feel more comfortable then it’s Elise, but I would be so honored for you to call me Mom. I wasn’t exaggerating in the slightest. In you I finally see the daughter I always wanted. Enough tears, this is the fun part. They are going to stuff us until we can’t move with the most delicious food.”
As quickly as the moment started, she ends it with a smile and a kiss on the cheek.
***
After a very long lunch where the menu was decided with the aid of several bottles of wine, it’s on to the cake maker.
Somehow, without me quite knowing how it happens, all my tension disappears throughout the rest of the day. We go in and out of the flower shop, where she orders way too many flowers, then it’s on to a company that will provide the dinnerware, wine glasses, and flatware, where we’re able to look through napkins and tablecloths in a rainbow of colors. Although the wedding was supposed to be small, the number has risen to thirty.
Once we’re home, Trey has plans for a dinner out, but I’m so tired after roaming the streets I don’t want to move from the cozy sofa. A debate begins, and Chinese takeout comes out the winner. Dinner feels loud and happy. It could be the wine that still feels like it’s running through my veins. It’s late by the time we settle into bed, and without me even hinting, Trey pulls me into his arms and holds me.
“Do you want to talk about it?” he whispers against my neck.
Shaking my head, I only tighten my arms around him. It’s how we fall asleep and how we wake up the next morning.
***
I have to go into work later in the afternoon, and will be closing. I also have an appointment with Joy in the morning. After the last few months, I haven’t needed Trey there. He isn’t happy about it, but I’m still going twice a week, and now that the sessions aren’t quite as painful, I’m insistent on going alone. We’ve finally moved from the extremely graphic EMDR sessions for the last three visits and gone back to only talk sessions.
We get dressed and go down to breakfast together. Elise is already awake and making breakfast. With a kiss goodbye, Trey leaves, and the quiet settles in around us. It doesn’t feel awkward to me, but Elise looks uncomfortable. I can tell she’s worried. “Mom, don’t worry. I didn’t talk with Trey about what we spoke about, because it’s not important enough to share. I appreciate what you said, and knowing how you feel makes me glad that there’s no misunderstandings.”
“That’s such a relief. Trey is so lucky, and so am I to have you in our family.”
“Thank you for your kind words. Now, I need to run up and do something with my hair. I have an appointment to get to in about a half-hour.”
“All right, dear. You go get ready. I’m going to clean up here and make a few more calls to settle things for the wedding.” As I pass her, I get a kiss on the cheek and a small pat on the shoulder.
***
Joy is serious, and I know what’s coming. She tried to start the conversation last time, but I wasn’t ready.
“Don’t look so scared. This isn’t to try and talk you into having children. It’s about the fear you expressed previously. Talk to me. How do you feel about the sexual experiences you had as a teenager?”