10
Savanna
My dad ended up inviting me and my mom on the fishing trip with him and Lonnie. I guess he wasn’t comfortable with it being just the two of them. I don’t think he had anything to worry about. They’re acting like nothing ever happened, like they don’t have a secret that they’re keeping from me.
It’s a beautiful day out on the open sea. A perfect day to be out. It’s been a while since I’ve been on my parents’ yacht. With their busy schedules, they don’t take it out much. When Lonnie was still coming around, they took it out nearly every weekend—that or their houseboat on the lake. When Lonnie took off and they all stopped being friends together, a lot of things changed. Those are such good memories that feel somehow tainted now.
I stand in the kitchen, cutting carrots for the salad, watching Lonnie and my dad from the window talk out on the deck. They hold beers in their hands, chatting and laughing like old chums.
I watch the curve of Lonnie’s mouth, the wrinkling in the corner of his eyes when he smiles. He’s so beautiful it’s hard to look at him sometimes. I get butterflies in my stomach every time. I wonder if that will ever go away.
“Careful, Savanna, you’ll cut your finger off,” my mom says from the stove where she’s boiling potatoes.
I stop cutting and look down at my finger. There’s less than an inch between my finger and the blade of the knife. That was a close one.
Even though I look at Lonnie and find him to be the most beautiful man I’ve ever seen, I’m starting to get angrier by the minute, knowing everyone in this boat is lying to me.
I finish making the salad and tell my mom I need some air. The food smells amazing, yet it’s turning my stomach at the same time. This angle is curdling everything.
“Don’t be long. Lunch is almost ready,” she says.
I head for the back of the boat, away from everyone else. I sit on the edge, my feet dangling over the side and watch the wake. The open ocean is so soothing to watch. The sun is high in the sky. Seagulls glide above my head. It almost makes me forget about all of my problems. Almost, but not quite.
The breeze rustles my hair and tickles my nose. The saltwater in the air feels great against my skin. The ocean had a unique scent that can only be described as freedom. I push my hair behind my ears and breathe it in.
The sound of water lapping against the boat is loud enough to drown out the footsteps that come up beside me. I startle when I see the dark figure until I look up and see Lonnie standing there. He sits next to me.
“What are you doing back here all alone?” he asks
I don’t look at him. “Enjoying the silence.”
He lets out a small laugh. “I take it that means you don’t want me here with you right now.”
I shrug.
“What’s going on with you? You’ve been giving me the cold shoulder all day, and I know it doesn’t have anything to do with keeping our relationship a secret from your parents.”
Our relationship. Is that what this is? Are we in a relationship? I hate the way that word makes my heart sing when it pertains to me and Lonnie. I want to be in a relationship with him more than anything, but I hate all the secrets.
“It’s nothing,” I say.
“It’s something. I know you. I’ve known you most of your life, remember?”
I stand up, losing my footing a little when the boat cants. Lonnie sticks out his hands to catch me, but I’m able to catch myself on the railing before he gets the chance to touch me. I don’t think I can handle his touch right now.
I sigh. “I’m tired of all the secrets.”
He blinks, looking confused, like he’s not sure what I’m talking about. I start to explain, but my mom interrupts us.
“Lunch is ready,” she says.
I walk away, leaving him sitting there.
We have lunch on the top deck. It’s been a while since I’ve been on the boat and I’m starting to feel a little seasick. I take some Dramamine and hope my stomach starts to settle soon.
Luckily my dad keeps Lonnie occupied so I don’t have any more awkward confrontations with him. Though, I do have to admit, I miss being alone with him. I miss the feeling of his arms around me, and his kisses.
The day stretches on. It’s late afternoon when we get back to shore. Lonnie gets a call from Mr. Sapline, so I go off on my own, walking the beach. My stomach finally starts to settle when on land. The warm sand sifting through my toes as I walk feels wonderful.