“That’s right, just walk away when it gets too hard for you. But everyone else has to stay.” Alicia’s words are bitter.
It hits me. Tony said he wouldn’t have gotten through it without Alicia. She had seen it, the pain I put him through. I deserve her hate.
“I don’t deserve forgiveness for what I did to Tony. I get it. But every single day, I paid for it. I’m still paying for it. If I’m still paying for it in another five or ten years, it might be about right. I will spend the rest of my life making it up to him. Hate me. I hate myself. Just don’t let him see it and feel it. His loyalty to me, that I do not deserve will hurt him because he won’t allow you to disrespect me. You’ve been here when he needed you. He told me that. If it weren’t for your kindness, he might not have made it through. I don’t want him to lose you to keep me. He already told Carmella if she has a problem she can leave and she’s been a part of his home forever. She left yesterday and I don’t know if she’ll be back and as badly as Tony doesn’t want to admit it, it hurts that she left. Please, don’t make him push you away too.”
Shaking her head, Alicia wipes her eyes. “As long as you understand this is for Tony, not you.”
“I understand.”
***
Christy
I arrive home to find two adorable white poodles with Rosie and Tony on the floor in the living room. I’m introduced to Kitten and Dora as Tony tugs me down into his lap. I love how he’s removed his suit jacket and rolled up his shirt sleeves, and is casual about puppies climbing all over him. We spend the next hour with the puppies before they make it clear they need to go outside.
“Potty trained already, I’m relieved. I was worried about accidents in the house.” I lean into Tony as I watch the puppies do their business in the back yard with Rosie right behind them.
“I was too. These two were returned to the breeder for being too rambunctious. The minute she said it, I figured they were a good fit for Rosie.” He checks his watch. “The only nanny I thought acceptable will be here soon. I want to meet with her first before seeing how Rosie is with her. Stay out here with Rosie.”
“Wait, you’re going to meet the nanny without me?” I cannot believe him sometimes. Okay, scratch that. I believe him, it doesn’t make me want to kill him any less. “W
hat if I don’t like her?”
“Yes. What matters is if I like her enough for you and Rosie to meet her. If I don’t like her, I won’t waste your time.”
“Don’t spin it. This is our daughter. I carried her, and I’ve raised her to the best of my limited ability. Okay, I wasn’t a perfect mother, but I did what I could, and I—”
Tony’s mouth swallows my words as his hand fists in my hair. We’re both breathing fast when he pulls away. I look down to find Rosie clinging to his leg, laughing. “You did a good job. She is beautiful, confident, intelligent. Thank you for our daughter.”
I blink fast, trying not to cry at the sincerity and love in his eyes.
“However, Rosie still has much to learn. She’s fast approaching the age where it becomes harder. Where it becomes learning instead of habits and how she is raised. If you’ll remember, I was against anyone but us raising our children.”
Oh yes, I remember vividly.
A sigh escapes him as he runs his hand over Rosie’s head. “In the passing years, I have come to recognize I spoke from the privilege I had. My parents, my mother especially, were an intrinsic part of the raising of my boys. Since we don’t have that now, we will need a nanny to pick up our slack. To watch her when I need time with you, or when you need time alone to recoup from the demands of both of us, and our new baby. Trust me to make the right choice for our family.”
Family, we’re a family now. It’s not about me, or Rosie, or even Tony, it’s about all of us. Not everything will fit perfectly for all of us, but I do trust Tony with our happiness. “I wouldn’t be here if I didn’t trust you.” I kiss his cheek.
“The nanny will definitely be a live-in one who can take our daughter at a moment’s notice so I can drag you upstairs to bed.” He promises as he walks away.
There could be some benefits to a nanny for us to then.
***
Tony
“What’s the matter?” Christy asks, as she plays with her hair nervously.
I tug her hand down into mine. “Today is Tuesday. For the last five years I’ve spent Tuesdays and Thursdays with Alicia and the kids. A mix of helping her and spending time with kids.”
She squeezes my hand. “Okay, I understand. You can’t stop because we’re here. It will hurt your grandchildren if you suddenly stop. We’ll be okay without you for the day.”
“I wanted you and Rosie to go with me. It’s time I introduced you both to them. What’s going on with you and Alicia?”
“Nothing.” A hard shake of her head.
I fucking knew it. “You said it way too fast, piccolina. Try again with the truth.”