Her eyebrows pull together. I can tell she's remembering what she felt back then. "My grandmother helped but she wasn't that well either. I skipped a semester to stay home to help."
"You had to sacrifice a lot." The words aren't meant as a compliment. They're simply a statement. It's the truth. It's obvious that she had to give up part of her life to help her mother.
Her eyes settle on my mouth as she runs the pad of her thumb over my bottom lip. "She's my mother. I had to."
I want to push back to the point where she talked about Thomas but I can't. I can't tear her away from this. "She's okay now?" It's a question not based in actual concern. I saw for myself just how well her mother was. I want Jessica to acknowledge it too.
"She's fine." A small smile pulls at the corner of her mouth. "She went through treatment and came out fine. She's been cancer free since."
The pieces of the puzzle aren't falling together the way they should. She's telling me that she nursed her mother back to health after a cancer scare. She shared that she missed a semester of school to care for her and yet they don't get along. There was not an ounce of closeness between them at the wedding.
"I'm glad she's okay," I offer mostly because I don't know what the hell to say.
"I had to hire a nurse to take care of her. I couldn't do it on my own." She doesn't meet my gaze. "I used the money for that."
"The money you got from signing the agreement?"
"Yes." She pushes her face against my chest. "I used that money."
"What was the agreement about?" I know that she wants me to drop it. I know that I should. "Did you agree to not talk about the affair? Is that what it was?" I already know that's not it. Judging by the careless way Thomas talked about Jessica blowing him, I'd venture a guess that she wasn't his only indiscretion.
"No." Her head flies back up. "He had so many affairs."
I take comfort in the confirmation even though I know it must sting her to carry that knowledge. "What was it about then?"
She hesitates before pushing her body against mine. I can feel every crevice of her form. The softness of her breasts caresses my side, the wetness of her core touches my hip as she pulls her leg over me. "You'll stop loving me, Nathan."
I don't cry. It's not something that comes naturally to me. It's not that I'm a cold and insensitive bastard. I just don’t feel things as deeply as others do. I know that. I've always known that. "Nothing you could say to me would make me stop loving you, Jessica. Nothing." I feel the tears building within me.
She sobs slightly. "This will."
"I promise it won't." I try to contain my emotions. I'm so close to understanding the pain that she's been carrying with her for years.
"I'm a good person." She nods her head up and down against me.
"You're a remarkable person," I assure her with a kiss to the forehead. "You're the most amazing person I've ever known."
"I would change it if I could," she whispers into my chest. "I would change it all if I could."
I pull my hand across her cheek, cupping her face. I wipe away the constant stream of tears. "Tell me, Jessica."
"I think about it every day." Her voice is calm and controlled now. "I cry every day."
My heart is breaking for her. I can literally feel the pain in her heart seeping into mine. She's broken. She's tortured. This woman has been carrying a burden that is pulling the life out of her. Thomas just brought it all to the surface again. "Share it with me, Jessica. I'll help you. I will."
"I gave her to him." She pulls a deep breath in as the tears flow again. "I just gave her to him."
I close my eyes. I feel my lungs collapse under the weight of the words. I have to ask although my heart already knows. "Who did you give to him?"
"I gave him my daughter."
Chapter 19
"Please tell me you don't hate me." She's on her knees on the floor by the bed.
I drop next to her. I had to leave the room to regain control of my own emotions after her confession. My heart broke in two hearing her tell me about her daughter. Jessica has a daughter. Jessica is someone's mother. "I love you, Jessica." I wrap my hands around her face, cupping her cheeks in my hands. "Never question that."
"I hate myself." She tries to hang her head down but my grip is too strong.