It's there again. I don't think about it as much as I did when it was fresh and pressing against every part of my heart. It's the last bit of doubt that has held onto me and now is the point in time when I can finally let it go. "You're not going to leave me now that you and Noah are working on things, are you?"
His breathing stops as his hands reach to cup my cheeks. "I will never leave you. There is nothing in this world that can take you away from me. If you didn't want me anymore, you have to be the one doing the breaking up. I'm here to stay."
"I don't want that," I whisper into his mouth. "I want you to stay."
***
"If I told you I love you would you say it back to me?" He's standing in the doorway, his hands resting above his head against the wooden doorframe. I can see the outline of his muscular frame. He's shirtless. He's only wearing sweat pants and nothing else.
I pull my hand to cover my mouth. "Not yet. I need to tell you something first."
He doesn't move from where he's standing. I can't make out his face. The room is too dark. "What is it, Kayla?"
"Come closer." I pat my hand against the mattress. I'd fallen asleep in his arms after we'd talked. It's hours later now and the ringing of his cell phone had woken us both. "Is everything okay? I heard your phone ringing."
"It was Peter's mother." He lowers himself next to me, bending his knee so he's facing me directly. "He's running a very low fever. It's nothing. I told her to keep him in bed and well hydrated. I'll drop by their house early tomorrow morning with another round of antibiotics. I told her to call me if he gets worse before then."
"Do you do that a lot?" It's something I've wanted to ask about since I watched him hand his credit card over to pay for Peter's surgery.
He doesn’t make eye contact with me. "Do I do what a lot?"
"Pay for people's surgeries and medicine?"
"I do it when I need to." He slides his eyes over my face. "I take people from the shelter to that hospital sometimes. I usually talk to an administrator named Melody. I volunteer there and she gives me a break on the cost of things."
"You're really generous." I reach to touch his hand. "I've never known anyone as generous as you."
"My mother was really generous." He smiles at me. "She'd give anything to any person who needed it. She taught me that life is abo
ut giving."
"Noah missed that lesson," I tease.
"Noah gives in his own way," he counters. "He's been through a lot in his life. He's had a lot to deal with."
There are the generous parts of him shining through again. "You see the best in him."
"When we were five," he begins before he scoops my hand into his. "On our fifth birthday our parents gave us bicycles."
I smile at the thought of Ben and Noah as children. I've never even seen an image of either of them as youngsters. It's a very hard picture to conjure in my mind's eyes. "Did you learn to ride them together?"
"No." He chuckles softly. "Noah got on that thing and took off. It was like he was born to ride a two wheeler. He rode circles around me."
"Competition is part of being a sibling." I've had to deal with that my entire life with my own brother. "It's not necessarily a bad thing."
"It's a really healthy thing." His tongue darts over his bottom lip. "I tried for days to get it. I couldn't keep my balance. My dad gave up trying to teach me."
We don't discuss Ron much, but I know it eats at Ben that he's never got the same approval and affection from his father that Noah has. "Are you confessing to me that you can't ride a bike?" I want to lighten the mood before I tell Ben about Noah and the private investigator. I want utter honesty in our relationship. I need it after what we've been through.
"Noah taught me." His voice cracks. "He held on to the back of my bike and tried so hard to balance it with me on it."
"That's why he's the one with all the muscles?"
"Hey." He pulls up his arm, bending it to show off his impressive bicep. "I'm ripped too."
I laugh at the playful expression on his face.
"It took months but Noah helped me learn how to balance on that bike." He squeezes my hand. "He never gave up on me."