"It's over, Lex." I pull my hand from hers. "I'm going to put it behind me."
The skepticism floating over her expression isn't masked at all. "You can't just shut off your feelings like that."
She's right. I can't. I can decide to push them aside while I rebuild my life. That needs to be my sole focus right now. If I give in to the overwhelming pain I feel over Parker pushing my life into freefall mode, I'll be paralyzed. I'll hide within myself and I won't move forward. I'm not about to give him that much control over me.
"I need to find a job and a place." A change of subject never hurt anyone. In my case, it may actually dull the pain of talking about Parker.
"You know what they say about break ups, right?" She tilts her head to the side as she pulls a hand through her long blond hair.
"Oh, God." I can't help but chuckle. "Just tell me."
"They say…" she begins before pulling her arm around my shoulder. "They say that you need to date again right away to forget the old love."
"Date?" I shake my head. There's no way in hell I'm dating anytime soon.
"Or fuck," she says with a giggle. "You should find a guy to sleep with. It needs to be someone really hot. If you do that you'll forget about Parker like that." She pulls her fingers together in a snap.
I should tell her. I should tell her about Ben but I stop myself before the words reach my tongue. I want Ben to my secret. I want to hold on to the feeling of being wanted in such a primitive way. I want to hold it close. I want the memory to be mine and only mine.
Chapter 4
"I'm surprised to see you back so soon," Vivian, my former boss, and hopefully soon-to-be present boss, tilts her glasses onto the bridge of her nose as she stares at me.
Hear that noise? That's the sound of me swallowing my pride. Vivian was the one who told me that giving up a promising career, as an account executive at Rainer & Winslow, for a man was a mistake. Good on Vivian for having the foresight to see that my boyfriend was a loser. Not so good on me for not listening to her mini lecture about how he wouldn’t sacrifice as much for me. Now, I'm back with my tail between my legs begging for my old position back.
"Things didn't work out in Boston," I say through a thin smile.
She pulls her glasses off completely now. Why do I feel like this is about to get serious? "We've already filled your position, Kayla."
Shit. Shit. Shit.
"I'm not surprised." I am surprised. Vivian isn't the most organized woman on this planet. I'm mildly shocked that she had the wherewithal to screen prospective applicants, interview them and then fill the position. When I worked for her, I was amazed most days when she tore her attention away from the movies she typically had streaming on her computer to give me a task to do.
Her eyes dart to her laptop screen and I wonder briefly if an episode of her favorite detective drama is pulling her attention away. "I need an assistant."
I push myself closer to the edge of the chair I'm sitting in. I need that. I'll take that. I don't care what it pays or what the responsibilities are. "I'd make a great assistant," I say a little too exuberantly.
"You know what?" Her gaze settles back on me. "I think you're right."
My shoulders sway forward. "I'd appreciate the chance to show you what a great asset I can be."
Her face softens as a small smile pulls at the corner of her lips. "You've already done that, Kayla."
I don’t want to sound too eager but she's handing me a golden ticket out of Alexa and Noah's guest room. I've only been there five days but I already feel like a third wheel. "When can I start?"
She tips her head back a touch as she pulls her glasses back on. "Monday will be fine. I can pay you the same as what you were getting when you left but the workload will be more."
I know it will be. I'm suddenly aware that it's very likely that I'll not only be shouldering whatever she throws my way but a lot of her work too. Normally, I'd balk at the added responsibility but it's exactly what I need right now. "I'm ready to take on anything."
Her expression shifts slightly as she leans back. "I'm going to hold you to that."
I don’t question what she means. I don’t care right now. All I know is that this is the first step in getting my life and future back.
***
"Do you think you'll live alone or will you get a roommate?" Alexa's eyes scan the pint sized kitchen of the walk up we're currently touring in Murray Hill.
"If I live here, I can do it alone." I try not to say the words with as much distaste as I feel. This is nothing like the last place I called home in Manhattan. Back then Alexa was my roommate before she moved in with Noah. Once she left, I found another girl to share the expenses with right away. After I'd bolted back to Boston, my room was quickly handed over to the next person with a rent check in hand.