"On Noah's birthday," I begin. "Wait. That was your birthday too."
He closes his eyes. A heavy breath draws his muscular chest up. "My father and Noah have a special bond."
It's an opening to something more. "What do you mean?" I inch sideways on the bed. It's a silent invitation for Ben to sit next to me. He doesn't move.
He teeters back on his heel. "He's closer to Noah than he is to me."
I'm getting nowhere. We're traveling in a circle that keeps leading us back to exactly the same place. "Ben, I've never had issues with my family." I haven't. When I was younger the disagreements were brief and forgotten easily.
"You're lucky."
"I know," I offer. "Alexa is part of my family though. She's like a sister to me."
He sits on the edge of the bed now, his thigh moving quickly up and down as his foot taps the floor. His cock dangles there, adrift in the space between his legs. "You're asking a lot of me."
The words sting even if their intention was something softer. He's going to turn this on me. He's going to tell me I'm pushing him into something he's not ready for. I hear it. I hear it beneath the rhythmic strumming of his heel against the hardwood floor. I see it in his shoulders, the way they're set forward and tense.
"I'm not. I'm telling you that if we continue to see each other I can't hide who you are from them. I'm asking you to talk to him and explain our relationship."
"What if I don't?" It's a challenge. His eyes don't engage me at all. He's staring straight ahead. I doubt he's focused on anything but the next words that will leave my lips.
"I'll talk to Alexa. She'll tell him."
He lets out a heavy sigh. His head drops to his hands. "This is so fucked up."
I reach for him, as much to quell the anxiety I see in his stance as to quiet my own shaking heart. I feel trapped in the middle of a family feud when I should be watching it from the sidelines. This is Alexa's family. These men make up the fabric of her future children's history. They are both a part of who her family will become. I didn't want this. No one would ask to be part of this willingly.
He recoils the instant my fingers brush against his knee. He's on his feet, his hands reaching wildly for his clothing. His boxer briefs are on in a flash. The slacks he was wearing when he arrived are pulled back on and buttoned in haste. The shirt that he slung over the back of a wooden chair in the corner is now over his shoulders. "I can't…"
He can't. He can't what. What the fuck can't he do?
I want to jump to my feet and stop him. I should. I feel connected to him in ways I haven't felt with a man before. This is different. He's not the same as anyone I've ever known.
"I need to go. I'm sorry."
Parker. Those are Parker's words. He said those exact words to me as he packed up a suitcase and slammed it shut with a loud finality before he ran out of my life and into the night.
"Go," I say without thought. The words come from inside of me. "Just go."
I won't get on my knees and beg for a man to stay again. I won't sacrifice myself for a brief reprieve from the pain. He's leaving. I'll let him. Whatever this was, it's over now too.
Chapter 13
"Alexa says you're thinking about going for your master's degree."
I turn to stare at him the doorway of the bedroom. He's wearing jeans that are slung low on his hips and a t-shirt. The tattoos that cover his arms are a bright contrast to the stark white of the shirt.
"It's a thought." I smile at him. "If I stay at my job for six months they offer some incentives for school."
Noah nods and a small grin pulls at the corner of his mouth. "Alexa is really proud of you. I am too."
It's a compliment I couldn't have seen coming. I came over in the middle of the day with the hope that I'd avoid them both. I'm still struggling with what to do. Ben had texted me repeatedly all week asking for my forgiveness, wanting to talk to me. I've thrown myself full force into my work and a plan to grab the future I want, without a man attached to it. Pursuing my master's degree was all I spoke about with Alexa when we had lunch two days ago. It wasn't only to get her opinion on my new plan to reclaim my life. It was to avoid bringing up the subject of Ben. A small part of me was still hoping, beyond hope, that he'd reach out to Noah.
"Do you need me to help you carry the rest of your things?" He nods towards the small cardboard box I'd packed full with the rest of my clothes.
"I can handle it." I arch my arm to show him my non-existent bicep muscle. "I may not have guns like you but I can get the job done."
"Guns?" He mirrors my pose and it's impressive. His body is almost identical in size and stature to his brothers.