Katie didn’t want kids. I suddenly had one.
In my mind those two things couldn’t add up to a happy ending, so I did what I thought was best at the time.
Gus glances at the tree behind us. “You’re on foot today?”
I tug at the waistband of my black running shorts. I’m shirtless. My phone is strapped to my bicep so I can listen to my favorite playlist as I run through the streets of Manhattan.
It’s an escape at the beginning of my day. The bar fills that need at the end of the day. It’s the hours in between that are the hardest.
“I get a better workout on foot.” I laugh. “I have to work off that donut I had for breakfast.”
“When the weather turns we should do this at the coffee shop.” Gus looks down at his watch. “I think that’ll be sometime around December, January if we’re lucky.”
“We’ll make it happen.”
He doesn’t show up every day, but I know that my presence brings him a sense of peace. I haven’t pried, but I sense that Gus is traveling through the latter part of his life completely alone.
“You’ve lost weight.” He wiggles the fingers of his right hand at me.
I pat my abs. “I’m holding steady.”
He shakes his head. “Some of that weight that’s been on your shoulders is gone.”
He couldn’t have spoken truer words this morning.
I may not know where I stand with Katie, but I woke up feeling lighter for the first time in five years.
“Confessions will do that to a man, Gus.”
His graying brows pop up. “Amen.”
I stare out at the East River. The only sounds around us are the traffic helicopters overheard and the light wind whipping from the north.
“What’s her name, Gage?”
I look down at him. “Katie.”
“Does Katie know what she has in you?”
A coward who couldn’t face his own truth five years ago?
I stretch my right arm over my head. “I know that there isn’t another woman on this earth like her.”
“She’s your Lois, is she?”
I smile at that. It’s a bar set high in his eyes, so I answer honestly. “She’s my Lois. She’s always been and will always be my Lois.”
***
“Does Kristin look like you?”
My head lifts. After my confession last night, I prayed I would hear that sweet voice again, but I had no idea it would be this soon.
I watch as Katie settles onto a barstool. She looks incredible. Her long blonde hair is straight. Her makeup is slightly bolder than it’s been since I walked back into her life. She’s wearing jeans and a red blouse that’s tied at the waist.
A few men in the bar turn to look at her. It sparks envy deep within me.
They aren’t carrying around the burden of my past mistakes with her.