“Is it all gone now? The pain?” Need asked.
She bit her lip. “For now, I think.”
“All right.” Need withdrew his fingers from between her legs and she made a little moan, as though she was sorry to have him gone. His hand was shiny with her honey and before he could stop himself, he had slipped his fingers into his mouth to taste her secret flavor.
It was sweet, Need noticed. A hell of a lot sweeter than it had been when he’d healed her earlier. Gods, had that been only a few hours before? He kept getting in deeper with her—he couldn’t seem to stop.
She watched, wide-eyed, as he licked his fingers clean.
“My Lord?” she whispered. “Do…do you really like my taste that much?”
“More than I damn well ought to,” Need told her, frowning. “And I’ve broken my vow again.”
“You were only helping me, my Lord,” she protested. “Helping me with my pain.”
“Well this is the last time,” Need swore. “Come on—we’re going back to my quarters. Here—put this on and cover yourself.”
He thrust the black undershirt at her and looked away as she slipped it over her head.
It wasn’t going to happen again, he swore to himself. He was getting in too deep with her—getting too close. If he let her capture his heart, he would be vulnerable, just as he’d been when Cleah died. He never wanted to go through that pain again—never.
I won’t touch her again, he told himself. Hands off, from now on.
This time he meant it.
Twenty-One
Lan’ara trailed him down the moss-carpeted hall, staring at his broad back unhappily. Why did it make him so angry every time he touched her? Every time he brought her to the peak? Why did he do it if it made him mad?
She didn’t have any answers, just like she didn’t have any answers for her own behavior. What in the universe had gotten into her? It was that feeling of a hungry flower inside her unfurling its petals, she thought. The flower had consumed everything—all her shame, all her dignity, all her modesty. It had left nothing but a hunger to be touched…to be taken. A hunger she hadn’t been able to stop or deny. And when the big Kindred offered to touch her—to help her with the painful need inside—she had given into it completely.
Why?
It must have something to do with the shots they gave us the last night at the Academy, she thought. But I’ll never know unless I read my file.
Which was impossible. The disgusting Trollox had it in his room and there was no way she was going in there. It smelled horrible and it was much too risky.
No, she would just have to try and deal with this strange hunger on her own, Lan’ara told herself unhappily. At least, until she got to Genu Six and was reunited with Senator Pouncenblast.
But the idea of the ancient Senator’s liver-spotted hands on her body made her stomach roll. No, she couldn’t possibly let him touch her—not intimately—not the way Need had just touched her.
Will you listen to yourself? a little voice demanded inside her head. What’s wrong with you, daydreaming about a man who doesn’t want you? Get over the Kindred, Lanni—he can’t wait to get rid of you. And every time he touches you, he swears it’s the last time. Is that the action of a man who wants to keep you around?
No, unfortunately it wasn’t. With a sigh, she told herself to stop thinking about the present and start concentrating on her future. It was the only way she was ever going to get anywhere.
In the meantime, all she could do was try to get some sleep.
Twenty-Two
“Where should I sleep, my Lord? At the foot of the bed? On the floor?” Lan’ara’s gold-flecked eyes were wide and innocent in a way that troubled Need’s heart as they stood together at the foot of his big bed.
She’s serious, he thought. She really thinks I’d make her sleep on the floor!
“The floor?” he said roughly. “What in the Seven Hells makes you think I want you sleeping there, girl?”
“Because you said…said you didn’t ever want to touch me again,” she whispered, looking almost ready to cry when she spoke the words.
Against his will, Need felt his heart twist in his chest.
“Now then, girl,” he growled. “It’s not that I don’t want to touch you—it’s that I don’t need to be breaking my vow again. But the bed is big enough that we can share it and I don’t have to worry about that.”
“So you want me to sleep at your feet, then?” Lan’ara asked softly.
“Seven Hells, no!” he exclaimed, feeling exasperated. “You can sleep beside me.
She brightened at once.
“Thank you, my Lord,” she murmured. “Are we going to go to bed now?”
He sighed and nodded.
“Might as well, I suppose. I have to get up early to check our course heading. Well, go on—get in.”