***
So, this is gonna be a little long-winded, but to understand why I’m where I’m at right now, I should explain how I found myself here.
In hindsight, it wasn’t my best idea. But in my defense I’d been celibate for months and I really, really like sex. There’s also the not insignificant fact that I’ve never been more turned on by a man… ever. And I’ve dated some hot men, including the most recent alpha male asshole who put a giant dent in my heart.
Add alcohol and scrolling through our original texting string before I decided I had to push him away at all costs, and it was the recipe for Ally getting laid by Jude.
That’s what I did. I got laid. By Jude. Thoroughly. Unforgettably. Like an idiot.
See, I figured it’d solve my problem. Scratch my itch and end his fascination with me. It often goes that way when a guy is curious about you because you’ve turned your nose up at the idea of dating him. Their egos get bruised, and you become a challenge. Guys who are that hot and know it – there’s a good chance after sex the mystery will be gone, and you won’t be so intriguing anymore. Off toward the next conquest he’ll go.
And obviously my having sex with Jude is why he’s here in my living room right now. He’s back for more. I even tried this weekend, to make a pass at Austin Carmichael, the groom’s brother, thinking: best man plus maid of honor, both single equals some fun and hoping it’d help me dilute the memory of my night with Jude, but that didn’t work.
A) Austin laughed at me, didn’t take my pass seriously.
B) Sex with Austin would probably be super-duper vanilla and a yawn-fest in contrast to Jude anyway.
Don’t get me wrong – Austin is hot. He’s got a great mouth, gorgeous body, and nice eyes, but he looks almost too perfect. He’s a hot McDreamy type. A wealthy hot guy who lives in a family-ready home. He’s a catch and a half. Just not a catch for Ally Kingston.
It’s clear that life with Austin will include kids and a dog and he won’t delay once he meets Miss Right. That’s not in the cards for me.
Austin is the exact sort of guy I’d have dated and wanted to marry if I were still Alyssa McQueen.
When I became Allison “Ally” Kingston, I let go of a lot of the things I used to go for. Clean cut guys who own more than one suit. Making sure my shoes and my purse match. Dressing like a sultry librarian type. My family and friends. My blonde waist-length locks. Life as I knew it.
When I ran, I knew I’d have to change everything about me so that nobody (especially the bad guys) would connect the dots between me and my old life.
I changed my appearance. Drastically. My style – substantially. My habits, too. Even the kind of guy I’d go for. If you put me today and me of a year ago up on a whiteboard side by side, old me would look like my uber-conservative cousin. Same eyes and face, but a totally different vibe.
Put me with a guy like Austin, I look more like I used to.
Put me with a guy like Jude, I get even farther away from who I was.
The problem with Jude?
There are several.
He wants more than sex.
I gave him the sex and it was the best sex I’ve ever had.
I can’t do this. I’m half in love with him already and if I don’t avoid him at all costs, I’ll be sunk. And so will he. Because I’m Trouble. With a capital T.
I flirted. I talked dirty. I gave him all the signs that I was down to get dirty because I wanted it to be a bit of fun, but it was quickly evident that it wouldn’t be fun for me, so I backed off. Or I tried. But he got insistent. And then more insistent. And then what did I do? I instigated a booty call just hours after he finally gave up, sending mixed messages and confusing the issue.
I tried to retreat, I did. As soon as I knew he’d make me want something real, something I am not allowed to have. There’s also the not small problem of what Jude does for a living.
Of all the guys I start hitting on, I would pick a private eye.
I first set eyes on him in a nightclub when I was liquored up and focused on playing matchmaker for Carly and Aiden.
It was a few weeks after I moved to San Diego, and it’s me, my new bestie Carly, my roommate slash coworker Meryl, and being the me that I am, the me I’ve always been and can’t seem to stop being, I’m digging into other peoples’ business, playing matchmaker.