“Unless you really are up to no good…” he warns, looking serious.
“I hate you,” I tell him.
“Is it a bet though?”
“Sunday,” I counter stupidly, figuring I’ll give him half the time and that’ll lower the chances. Plus put an end to this conversation. He’ll be busy until Sunday and I can figure out what my next move is.
“Fine. Sunday.”
What am I doing? Am I deranged?
“And if you can’t figure it out by then, you leave my apartment, you leave me alone, and you let it go without saying a word to anyone about my name.”
He stares at me a minute.
“As long as I find nothing making it seem like Aiden and Quentin need to know, deal.”
My heart skips a beat.
“How do I know I can trust you?”
“I’m a man of my word.”
“I hate your guts and I don’t believe you.”
“And I think you’re a liar, so I don’t believe you either. But do we have a deal?”
“Fine. Just because I want you to leave me alone and I know you’re not going to find anything, because I’ve done nothing wrong and there’s nothing to find.” I twist my doorknob and I feel his heat at my back. He turns me around by my shoulders.
“What? Fuck! You have no right to put your hands on me. Stop it.”
“Shake on it.” He shakes my hand. “Shake on it. And my hands will be all over you when I win. As soon as I utter your real name, it happens.”
I sigh and go to pull away, but he leans in and looks me in the eye.
“Are you in trouble? For real. Because honest to God, baby, I’ll help you – whatever that trouble is.”
I fight off the emotion that threatens to overwhelm me.
“Don’t be ridiculous. Nothing about me is any of your business unless I decide to share and I’m doing nothing wrong at work, not fucking the Carmichaels over, so back off.”
“Well, it’s now my business for real, Vixen, because not only am I working for your boss, also because I want another taste of you, so you’d better believe I’ll be bringing my A-game to make sure I get that opportunity.”
“Whatever. If you break your word, that says more about you than about me. My reasons for anything I do, don’t do, or don’t say have nothing to do with CC or with my friends here in San Diego and certainly nothing to do with you. And if you break your word and fuck me over, you’ll be the reason I leave town and hurt Carly and I’ll make sure she knows it. I don’t know how important your friendship with Aiden is to you but I’m sure he won’t be happy if you’re the reason he loses a valued employee and even less happy if his wife loses her best friend.”
“You’re a piece of work,” he says, looking like he’s pleased about it or something.
I give him the finger and then I march back to the kitchen, grab a plate and angrily fill it with food. Pizza, wings, and more cinnamon knots. I take them and the vodka cooler to my room, kicking the door closed behind me, ignoring that he’s in the hallway leaned against the wall opposite my door.
“Sunday, you’re mine,” he calls out.
“We’ll see,” I shout back.
I put my food and drink down on the table beside my bed and then I storm into my closet, grab the key to my nook, unlock it then fetch my food, my phone, my vodka cooler. After two trips in to get myself situated, instead of digging into my food, I find myself curled into a ball against my beanbag chair, and it’s only then that I let the tears fall.
Tears of frustration. Fear. Loss.
If he figures me out, I have to go.
If he doesn’t, I think I still have to go.
Why did I make that bet with him? Is it because I want one more night with him before I move to Japan? Am I secretly hoping he wins because I know it’s time to go anyway?
I have no desire to psychoanalyze myself, but that’s what I do.
Nearly all night long.
15
Ally
I slept (though only a little) in my nook and woke with a stiff neck, though that’s the least of my worries.
The way Jude acted with me last night… all concerned, all wanting to help me, part of me wants to let this play out and see where it goes. Can I think of a cover story if he does figure out who I am? Can I think of something if he doesn’t – something that’ll make him just let it go? Or will I have to run?
I can’t tell him the truth, can’t tell anyone because if I drag anybody into this mess and they get hurt, it’s my fault. And seeing what Thad Steele does to people that cross him – no way. Those images are burnt into my brain and will be for the rest of my life. You can’t unsee blood and gore like that.