“I’m buzzed,” Amethyst tells me. “Happily, pleasantly buzzed. But also sober enough to get us a cab and go home.”
I suppose she’s right, though I’m having fun walking in the mist. We started our bar crawl down in the Castro and ended up here in Upper Haight. I didn’t want to go to the Cloister because it reminded me of bad times, so we stayed at a few places on Haight Street, doing shot after shot after shot.
Okay, so maybe I was the only one doing shot after shot. I was determined to get drunk off my fucking ass, and because of my vampire blood, it takes a lot of alcohol to get me to that level. But, score one for me, all that tequila worked.
And honestly, it was much needed. When Amethyst said we should go for a girl’s night, something we’ve been talking about having for a while, I jumped at the chance. I just wanted to let off some steam, feel normal for once, do the things I used to do.
For the most part, it worked. We talked about life, the normal life, the thing that exists outside of the house. We talked about our exes, friends (though I tried not to say much on those two subjects, considering how fresh those wounds are), we talked about our families. I was open with her about my relationship with Solon (I mean she’s literally the only person who could understand what it’s like to be with a vampire), but no matter what I said, I couldn’t get her to open up about Wolf.
I know I’m nosy as fuck, but I can’t help it.
“Hey,” I say to her as we stand on the curb and she pulls out her phone, looking for a ride. I’m feeling emboldened in that too-much-tequila kind of way.
“Mmmm?” she says, thumbs firing on the screen.
“Does it, um, bother you at all that I was intimate with Wolf?”
Her eyes widen briefly as she stares at her phone. She swallows and then gives me a furtive glance. “Does it bother you that you were?” she asks.
I shrug. “Not really. I don’t think about it. I mean, I only remember some of it anyway. But, you know, it happened, and I know how you feel about him and I don’t want you to hate me or think it’s weird or—”
She holds up her hand to shut me up. “First of all, Wolf is a friend, nothing more.” Uh huh, sure. “Second of all, I don’t hate you or think it’s weird. It’s part of The Becoming right? Solon wanted to stay in control, but you were in pain, so to speak, so he had Wolf, you know, help you. I get it.”
I nod, feeling a bit better. “Okay. Good. Great. Just wondering.”
“It’s totally cool. I mean, it’s not like you had sex with him,” she goes on, back to look at her phone.
“Ummmm,” I say, feeling my cheeks flame.
She glances at me and frowns. “Is that what you think happened? That you slept with Wolf?”
Uh, I really don’t want to go into details here. “Well.” I clear my throat. Oh, so awkward. “Yes. We slept together. I was tied to the bed and he was, you know, going down on me and…”
Her black microbladed brows tick up. “Yes?”
“And yeah…” Fill in the blanks here, Amethyst.
“So what makes you think you had sex?” she asks, her lips twisting into an amused smile.
“The fact that we did?”
“And you remember this?”
“Well. No.”
“Have you discussed it with Wolf?”
“Uh, also negative. Though he did say we had good rhythm together.”
“And that’s what you’re basing this on?”
I frown. “Do you know something I don’t know?”
She laughs. “Oh, you poor thing. You really thought he had his dick inside you.” She catches herself, cheeks going pink against her pale face. “Sorry. That was uncalled for.”
I shake my head, not understanding. “Solon told me. After I woke up in the bathtub when he was trying to fucking drown me, he said Wolf fucked me for two days! Said the whole house smelled like sex!”
“Well, it did. It smelled like…um, you. I guess. I don’t know. This is getting weird now.” She looks back at her phone, hastily tucking a strand of hair behind her ear.
“But why would Solon lie about that?”
“I don’t think he lied,” Amethyst says. “Face fucking is still fucking, isn’t it? All I’m saying is that if it makes any difference to you, you didn’t actually have penetrative sex with Wolf.”
It doesn’t make a difference, not really. Maybe a little. Okay, maybe a lot. I don’t remember much of that time, if anything, which was incredibly unnerving, to know your body was going through things that your mind wasn’t. And I adore Wolf, I really do, and I trust him too, but there’s a difference between someone you trust getting you off for days on end because you were desperately horny and in need, and someone you trust getting off in you, even though they didn’t need to. The latter could fall into the taking advantage of you part.