I'm no one.
The taxi pulls up to the restaurant and we all get out. Dash helps his sister steady herself on the crutch, then holds the door open for both of us. His eyes follow me as I pass through, but I keep my head straight.
We get a table near the window, and the waiter leaves us to go get our drinks. Betty is talking about the job she starts in two weeks, and how she should be out of the boot just in time.
She and Dash share stories about when they were kids and how he fell out of a tree they were climbing and broke his arm. They laugh about how they would go deep sea fishing with their dad, and how their mother hated preparing whatever they caught. She'd gag as she had to clean off the scales and gut it.
I'm quiet. I don't have anything to say. All I can think about is Dash leaving in a couple days. I ache everywhere. My stomach is tight like corded rope, and my heart feels like it's getting ripped in two.
We order dinner. They eat and talk and laugh, all while I sulk and poke at my food, pushing it around my plate. I hardly look up at either of them. The sharp prongs of my fork maneuver a single piece of broccoli. My head is resting on my left hand as I stare down.
I should have stayed home.
Betty looks at me. “You're really quiet, Anna.”
“Yeah, I don't feel good. That's all.” I run my hands back and forth over my thighs and look all around the room. “Actually, I think I'm going to go get some air. I'll be right back.”
Standing up quickly, I head outside. I need to get away from Dash. Being this close and not touching him, not snuggling him, not feeling his fingers as they run up and down my back, it's making me sick.
The air is cool on my face. I inhale a deep breath, wishing these nerves would just go away. I've never felt like this before. And I hate it.
“Hey,” Dash says, walking up behind me.
I look back at him and say nothing.
“So, you're just going to give me the silent treatment?”
“No. I just have nothing to say to you.”
“That's a boldface lie.” He moves around to stand in front of me, and I twist away. “Come on,” he says. “You need to stop this.”
“Me? I need to stop?”
“Yes, Anna, because none of this is on me. You're the one acting like a damn fool.”
“I'm the fool? Right, that's me. I'm the idiot here.”
“What the fuck is it, Anna? Why don't you just tell me what the hell is wrong instead of making me guess?”
“Because it doesn't fucking matter, Dash!” I yell under my breath. “You can just do you, and I'll do me. Seems simple enough.”
“I don't understand,” he says, raking a hand through his hair. He pulls his hair close to his scalp then runs his hand down his face. “I get you a job after you quit yours. I hand you something so you don't have to worry, and this is how you treat me? Like I'm some kind of asshole?”
“This isn't about the job, Dash.”
“Then what is it?”
I see Betty come out the door, a look of concern on her face. “What's going on? Is everything okay?” she asks.
“Everything is fine,” Dash snaps. He turns around and starts walking back inside. “I'll go pay and grab the leftovers. I think we're ready to leave.”
Betty watches her brother as he goes back inside, then turns her attention to me. “What's going on, Anna? You've been acting weird today.”
“It's nothing that won't solve itself soon.” Tears start to roll down my cheeks, but I swipe them away quickly. “I'm going to walk home. I'll see you both later.”
“Anna,” Betty says, trying to reach out for my arm.
I pull out of her fingers before she can latch on. “Really, Bet, I'll be fine. I just need some time to myself, that's all.”
“Are you sure? I don't like seeing you this way. If I can help—”
“You can't,” I cut her off as I start to walk away. “No one can.”
She leans on her crutch as she watches me walk into the darkness. She doesn't try to stop me again, and I have no idea if she's slowly figuring out that something is going on between her brother and me.
Either way, it doesn't matter. This will all be better once he's gone. Out of sight, out of mind. I have to keep telling myself that.
I'll be fine. I'm strong. I'm independent.
I'm the warrior. Just me.
11
Dash
The wind whispers through the crack in my window. The whistle carries through the room, turning the silence into a symphony. Normally, I wouldn't notice such a thing. I'd ignore it easily, because it's meaningless, just like every other thing around me.