Just as I refuse to let some random man touch me and claim me as his.
Instead, I steel myself for the cold and the shock that comes with the bucket of ice water being thrown at me until I’m drenched.
“You’re still not getting undressed?” the woman in front of me asks with a condescending tone.
I shake my head.
“Fine.” She throws me a towel and shoves me forward toward the door. “Enjoy not dancing and not having fun.” She rolls her eyes. “Typical Initiate.”
Initiate. That’s what they call me.
A derogatory term for women who have not yet been taken by a man.
Whose pussy hasn’t been claimed and owned.
If I’d known it would be like this, I would’ve never signed that damn paper. Their God is a liar. There is no love here.
I’m shoved up the stairs and onto the balcony where I’ve been so many times. But seeing these people dance … and fuck like animals never gets easier.
I swallow hard and hide in a corner so I can pretend I’m not here even though I’m cold and my clothes are soaked through.
I look up over the crowd to see Natalie seated on a chair on the raised plateau, right next to Noah, one of the men who rules this place. She doesn’t even see me, but I see her. I see how she eats the food offered to her, how she lavishes in the attention given to her as one of the “chosen ones.”
And it fills me with disgust, knowing I ever thought she was a friend.
That I thought we could revolt together after sharing a dark, damp cell.
Or maybe I’m just jealous that she is up there with the people who are revered. Safe.
While I am here among the masses, hoping and praying I don’t get picked.
After a while, a man steps toward me, and I inch away against the wall.
“Hey there, I saw you from across the room. You look so pretty,” he says.
“Please don’t,” I say, looking away. “I’m not interested.”
“Oh c’mon, I think we should have a dance first.”
When he grabs my hand, I jerk away. “No.”
He narrows his eyes. “You dare to defy a man?”
Tears well up in my eyes. “I don’t want to.”
“Well, you’re going to have to.” He leans in too close for comfort. “And someone will pick you. You should be happy if it’s me.”
He’s so close, I can smell his breath, and it smells like liquor. Bile rises in my throat.
“Now come dance with me. Your pussy will be mine,” he growls.
My body overflows with rage, and I grab the nearest thing I can find. A pan filled with oysters, and I smack it against his head.
He drops to the floor, unconscious.
A cold draft swoops past and instantly turns my already soaked body into ice.
Everybody turns around and stares at me and then at the man on the floor.
And I know I am in deep, deep trouble.
Present
My body shakes uncontrollably while his is as firm as a boulder parting the water with his muscular arms, swaying back and forth with every step.
I can’t feel my feet even though I know they touch the bottom of the river, but for how long? How deep will this river go? I know he said we could walk, but does he know what the deepest point is? Did he calculate it, or is he just winging it?
The mere thought puts me on edge, so I try not to think about it and focus on the other side instead. The riverbank is up ahead, not far away. We’re almost halfway now. Maybe we can make it if I ignore the cold numbing my limbs.
Suddenly, a rock slips underneath my toes, and I fall.
My body goes first before my face dips under.
And then everything goes dark.
Water rushes over my head, and I stumble but don’t manage to regain my footing. My head tips up as I break the surface and suck in a breath. But the water instantly overflows, gushing into my lungs.
I splutter and go under again, losing my footing entirely.
The water is too strong for me to resist, and it drags me away for a few feet.
Then it comes to a full-on stop. But I still can’t tilt my head and get above the water.
Water swooshes past me everywhere, and it’s so dark that I can’t see a thing.
Where am I? How do I get up? I need air.
Fuck.
I can’t breathe!
I start to panic and flail, but it only makes things worse.
Even though I’m slipping, I still fight the water, desperate not to lose.
Something hard whips up against my belly, the impact making me eject the last bit of air still in my lungs. My vision begins to fade.
But he told me he wouldn’t let me die.
He told me he’d keep me safe.
He told me …to trust him.