I heard the water cut off in the bathroom, heard the door slide, then close with a quiet click.
I couldn't hear him, but rather somehow felt him move to the bed.
Grabbing the covers, he slid under.
I was sure the uncertainty and anxiety in that moment would send me fleeing from the room.
That is until Santi closed the distance, slid in behind me, legs cocked up under mine, face in my neck, arm draping gently over me.
"Don't think," he demanded, voice low. "Just let it be," he added, pressing a kiss to my shoulder.
"Okay," I agreed, closing my eyes tight, letting myself really feel him, get lost in the moment. I wanted to let myself feel what I was feeling instead of trying to analyze it.
And what I was feeling was something new and foreign to me.
It was safety and comfort and affection found in a man.
Which was both amazing and terrifying.
But he was right.
I wasn't going to think.
I was just going to feel.
And all I felt was warmth and affection.
So I felt that.
I went to sleep feeling that.
And I woke up feeling that, Santi's lips pressing into my shoulder.
Until his phone started to scream from the nightstand.
A grumble moved through him since he clearly had other plans. But Family business was Family business. You couldn't just ignore your phone. So he rolled away from me, grabbing his phone. "Yeah? What? You're sure?" he asked, sitting up, then off the side of the bed.
Sensing a shift in the air, I folded up to sit against the headboard, watching his back as he listened to, I imagine, his brother.
"No. No, I want to. I understand. Yeah, no. I have to. Okay. Right. I just need ten. Thanks."
"Duty calls?" I asked, ignoring the disappointment in my stomach.
Santi sucked in a slow, deep breath, turning to face me.
"They found them," I explained.
"Found who?" I asked, brows furrowing.
"The guys who shot you," he told me, yanking the ground out from under me. "And killed Brit," he added.
There was a darkness in his face I'd never seen there before, that I didn't exactly like seeing there now.
"Santi..."
"Brio and I are rolling out in a few."
"Santi, you don't have to do it," I said, shaking my head.
Because I knew what was happening. There was only one punishment for raising a hand, let alone a gun, to the loved ones that belonged to one of the Families.
A bullet to the head.
And as much as I believed to my core that, sometimes, killing had to happen, I also knew that Santi was new to the lifestyle, hadn't been around the uglier aspects of it since he was a kid.
Killing was a big deal to normal people. And Santi had been normal until just six or so weeks before.
"Yeah," he said, voice firm, "I do. For Avi and what he's lost. And for you. And what you could have lost," he told me.
"Hey," I said, grabbing his wrist. "I don't want you killing someone for me. I understand if you need to do it for Brit. But not me."
To that, he gave me a soft smile, pressing his hand to my cheek.
"It has to be done," he told me. "And it has to be me," he added.
"Okay," I agreed, taking a deep breath. "I get it," I added.
Maybe it should have been a bigger deal to me. But that being said, I'd been with the Morellis for long enough to have helped discard the bloody clothing and guns used in hits. I understood that some people screwed up too badly to come back from. I knew that the men I loved and respected and believed were ultimately good sometimes had to do ugly, wicked things. It didn't change how I felt about them. And this wouldn't change how I felt about Santi either.
Ultimately, he'd been pushed back into the Family by the wicked deeds of evil men, ones who took out innocents. If it were not for some bastard picking up a gun and stealing Avi's mom from him, Santi never would have felt the urge to pick up one himself.
This life was pushed on him.
No one would blame him.
Least of all me.
"Baby," Santi called, snapping me out of my wandering thoughts.
"Yeah?"
"You might want to get back into your room," he said, going into his dresser to grab me a tee, handing it to me to slip on. "Don't get me wrong," he added, misreading me. "I want you here," he told me. "I want you here a fuckuva lot in the future. But Avi..."
"No, no. I agree," I said, nodding as I slipped into the tee, then climbed out of the bed. "Let's keep it between us," I said. "For now anyway," I added at the dark look that crossed his face.
"Yeah, for now," he agreed, pressing a kiss to my temple before giving my ass a little pat as I turned to walk away.