If we were together and in love like married couples should be, I would likely be making comments all the time about missing her, about wishing she was around.
But we'd been ships passing in the night for a long time.
The things I missed were things for Avi. I missed him getting to hear her wishing him a good morning. I missed him having her go into his room at night to say prayers with him. I missed him feeling her hugs.
I knew he missed those things.
And I missed them for him too.
But my missing Brit was all for him.
We'd been tolerating each other, at best. At worst, we were actively arguing or ignoring each other to avoid arguing.
"I get that," Alessa said, shrugging. "What about her family? Maybe if they were around to talk about her with him?"
"She barely spoke to her parents. They'd disowned her when I'd gotten her pregnant in high school."
"Assholes."
"Yeah," I agreed. "She didn't have any siblings."
"Maybe you can talk to him about how you missed your mom," she suggested. "Like if you are hanging out, you can make a comment about how you missed watching movies with your mom when she was missing or something like that. Then it gives him a chance to say he misses watching movies with his mom. Well, maybe not movies. She wasn't big on the movies, right?"
"No. But I should plan a day to take him to the park or something. They liked to do outdoor things. That will give me a chance."
"There you go," she agreed. "He's coming around. I think the shock of the loss was what had him curling into himself so much. The longer he has to adjust, the more he will feel comfortable talking about her again."
"Yeah, I hope so."
"Are you worried about him going back to school?" she asked, knowing that his first day was the day after Halloween.
I figured it was a good time since between Thanksgiving and Christmas, he would still have a lot of days home. But the guidance counselor at the school when I'd called had suggested that she thought it was important for Avi to get some normalcy back into his life.
I had to agree.
"A bit."
"Because of his grief?" she clarified. "Or for safety reasons?"
"Yeah to both. But I think he will be happy to see his school buddies again. And I have you now," I said, feeling a strange flip-flopping sensation in my stomach at my choice of words.
I have you now.
I didn't have her.
Avi had her.
But, somehow, something in me like the phrase, liked the idea.
Of having her.
"I wouldn't let anything happen to him," she said, voice fierce, but she'd trailed off with a big yawn.
"I know," I agreed. "Come on. Let's get you back to bed," I said, standing, and reaching for a towel.
Alessa undid the drain, and slowly got to her feet. I didn't mean to, but I couldn't help but watch the way the water cascaded down her thighs.
"I, ah," she said, grabbing a sopping handful of her shirt.
"Right," I agreed. "Here," I said, lifting the towel up high as a barrier.
I should have taken my ass out of that bathroom.
She didn't need fucking assistance drying herself after a bath.
There was only the slightest of pauses before her arms raised up, struggling to get the soaked material up her slippery arms. She managed with a couple of hushed curses, dropping the shirt, and it slapped against the steadily-draining water.
Alessa reached up, but instead of just snatching the towel from me, she covered my hands with her own, pulling down, then guiding around.
Around.
My knuckles brushed the sides of her breasts and my fingertips grazed her back as I wrapped the towel around her.
I was going to pull away.
I was sure I was.
It was the only thing I could have done.
Right?
But before I could, Alessa's arms dropped, pinning my arms to the sides of her body as she went up on her tiptoes, as she leaned forward into my chest.
My gaze landed on her, sure I must have been misinterpreting her intentions.
But then one of her arms lifted, grabbed the back of my neck, and drew me down the last few inches, letting her seal her lips to mine.
I thought I was a man with good self control.
Alessa proved me wrong in less than a second.
That was how long it took for a ragged growl to move through me as my arms moved from her back, framing her face, tilting her head back, and kissing her harder, with damn near everything within me.
My cock went from stirring to rock hard in a moment as my tongue traced the seam of her lips, seeking entrance. When granted, my tongue moved inside to claim hers, to taste hers.
Alessa's arms folded around the back of my neck, crushing her chest to mine.