“The problem is mine. You’ve done nothing wrong.” She never had, and yet he could only think of her. Want her. Matilda lived in comfort and had every luxury he could offer her, and yet she still did not want him.
Not the way he had grown to crave her.
It was utterly baffling how the idea of marriage to Matilda, of prolonging their arrangement, scared him far less than an affair with anyone else. He’d only had to lay eyes on Miss Chudleigh for the briefest of glances before his heart had started to race with the overwhelming urge to flee.
He’d never felt the desire to marry.
He had done everything in his power to avoid the institution since he’d reached his majority. However, he’d always wished for companionship that could sate his desire to dominate. “No one else has affected me the way you do. You are extraordinary, and you don’t even know it.”
He was proud of her mettle and commitment to his bargain. She had managed to convince everyone they met that their marriage was satisfying, offering a shy remark on her good fortune that was entirely believable to others. He’d heard her praise with his own ears. Apparently he was a generous and kind husband, and he was glad she said so even if it was a lie.
He shook his head. “Would you care for another sherry, my dear?”
“I’d like that very much,” Matilda whispered.
William poured half a glass and handed it over. She sipped slowly, a frown between her brows. William downed a brandy and then another. There was no point dwelling on what could not be altered. “Did you enjoy your evening?”
“Not exactly,” she whispered.
A blush grew over Matilda’s cheeks as the butler cleared his throat at the door. “Is there anything else you require, Captain?”
“Nothing. Goodnight, Carter.”
When they were alone, he leaned close. “What is wrong, Matilda? No, don’t answer me here. Come to bed and tell me there.”
He held his tongue until they were upstairs in the privacy of their chambers. He closed the doors on the dressing room and bedchamber. “Now tell me.”
Matilda winced. “I truly don’t understand why so many believe a newly married woman would want to share intimate details of her private life.”
“You are very lovely, Matilda, but you are an unknown. They are testing your character to see what sort of marriage this is.”
She wrapped her arms about her chest. “It is none of their business. None but ours.”
“They likely do not agree. Even my own friends, friends who know my nature, ask questions. You are much more alluring than you can possibly understand.”
“I’m nothing special.”
“You are everything.” He tipped his head to the side, trying to see her as others might. Glossy dark hair, simple but elegant gowns, but her eyes were without guile as they held his stare. “If we had just met at a dinner at a friends house, I would attempt to lure you to the gardens and have my wicked way with you. Any man would, but I probably shouldn’t have confessed that. You might yet throw me over.”
“William,” she whispered in a shocked voice.
“Are you surprised that I desire you? I am too, but I am a normal man with an unfortunate predilection for punishment. I had not foreseen how much of a temptation you could be.” He shrugged. Why not ask for what he wanted? Why not be direct and see if she wanted to know him better too? “I know you did not enjoy being kissed by me, but there are other intimacies that could satisfy us both.”
Her hand rose to her neck to cover the necklace he’d given her on the day they began pretending to be husband and wife. Since then he’d noticed she clung to the piece when in distress. She always chose that necklace if he did not decide on another. “I never said I did not enjoy being kissed,” she whispered.
William took a pace toward her as her eyes dropped demurely. Had he misread her? “You did not say you liked it either.”
“Please. Not so loud.”
Emboldened, he captured her wrist and a soft moan escaped her. “Were you repulsed by the scar?”
She shook her head. “I could feel it at first and then I didn’t notice it.”
“Why did you not tell me that when I asked?” He pinned her to the nearest wall, caging her with his arms. Her gaze rose to his chest and then lifted to reveal her confusion. His pulse took flight as her pupils dilated. He loosened his grip a little.
“I am not used to speaking of such things.” She bit her lip. “I am often so overwhelmed by you that I don’t even know what I want or how to behave.”
“I only want you to be yourself.” He released her hands entirely to brush her cheeks with the back of his fingers. “There is no right and wrong when it comes to pleasure between us.”