She had made sure the girls were happiest here, yet she herself wasn’t entirely so. Meredith loved nothing more than to be woken by the sleep-tousled girls and did not even mind their cold feet in her bed. She loved them all, truth to tell, even if she found Maisy’s habit of hiding beneath tables, chairs, and beds somewhat exasperating.
She turned to where Maisy should be, in the bed she shared with her sister, rather relieved that the little scamp was actually still in her bed and hadn’t disappeared beneath it tonight. Timid eyes stared up at her and she tweaked the girl’s nose, earning a giggle and contented sigh for her efforts. Maisy closed her eyes and hugged her pillow tightly. Meredith pulled the curtains closed around her side of the bed and walked around to the other side quietly.
Gray’s eldest was still sitting up in bed, wrapping her dolly in a baby blanket so she’d stay warm for the night. Meredith sat beside the girl and brushed her hair behind her ear. “Time for bed, sweetheart.”
Candid green eyes met hers. “Can we have sweet cakes again tomorrow?”
The girl had a remarkable appetite for sweets. Another reason Meredith was so fond of her. “Of course, but I should think the Christmas Day feasts would have many more treats in store for you than just sweet cakes. Lie down now so you’ll be as warm as dolly.”
Willow wriggled beneath her blankets, her eyes growing round. “Will you be at the feast tomorrow?”
“Of course. All the servants will be, but there is nowhere else I want to be more than with you and your sisters.”
That seemed to appease her. Meredith straightened her braids on the pillow. Occasionally, Willow asked if Meredith would be there when she woke up and she guessed the girl was occasionally beset by memories of her mother’s sudden death. Poor child. Meredith tucked her in snugly, brushed a kiss across her brow, and remained on the edge of the bed. Her heart, however, had clenched with anxiety.
They needed her. They needed her to stay, and she didn’t like to consider what harm her eventual departure might cause. She’d never meant to become so attached to Gray’s girls, but their sadness had touched a part of herself she’d thought long buried. She missed having a family and this time with Gray was as close as she’d ever come to that perfect situation.
If only perfection were possible.
When Willow’s breathing evened out and Maisy stilled, she pulled the bed curtains tight to keep out the drafts and considered what she was going to do when the time came to leave. It had been almost two month since she’d come to Stanton Harold Hall for a temporary stay. And even longer since she’d lain sated in Gray’s arms. She missed his warmth more and more each day. And Gray had made the yearning hard to ignore by constantly being underfoot.
According to nurse, he’d never spent so much time in the nursery. The children had thrived with his constant presence. Yet there were times when even she forgot he was her employer.
As if summoned by her thoughts, Grayling appeared at the door. “Am I too late?”
Meredith couldn’t fight the smile that spread over her face. “I’m sorry, but I believe you are out of luck.”
Gray squeezed her shoulder as he snuck past and she noticed he walked softly.
She glanced down and saw he’d removed his footwear and was padding through the Hall barefoot. The sight of his bare skin, close on the heels of her wayward thoughts, made her breath catch in her throat. She hadn’t seen him improperly dressed since she’d come here. The memory of his taut flesh brushing against her own had her pulse skipping a beat.
He threw cheeky grins in her direction as he went from daughter to daughter. The girls didn’t make a sound, so she assumed they had fallen deeply asleep very quickly. A pity. They did enjoy his nighttime visits and it had been an up-and-down day for them. The servants’ long faces they likely didn’t understand, and the mood in the Hall was palpable with grief.
When Grayling had trudged out into the snow to visit his wife’s grave, every servant had pressed their nose to the glass to watch him go.
Meredith moved to the lamp and as Gray approached, she extinguished it, plunging them and the room into darkness. After a moment, her eyes adjusted and she made her way to the door. Grayling could find his own way out.
Yet when his fingers tangled with hers, Meredith did not pull away immediately. His grip firmed as he tugged her closer, and together they moved into the playroom. He pulled the bedroom door closed, and when Meredith attempted to withdraw her hand from his, although she wanted nothing more than to keep his warmth for herself, he held on. “I’d like a private word if I may?”
“Of course, my lord. Is it about tomorrow?”
He shook his head. “Tomorrow, and the day after, and the day after that.”
Meredith frowned. “I’m not sure I understand you.”
He glanced around. “This isn’t private enough for our conversation. Come with me. Please.”
~ * ~
Gray tightened his grip on his future and hurried her down the hall. He didn’t want them seen. He didn’t want her embarrassed, but he was taking her to his bedchamber where she could be warm and all his for a few hours. She could speak her mind without fear of being overheard. When he reached his bedchamber door, he saw indecision in her eyes. But when he held it open there was only a moment of hesitation before she glided in ahead of him.
She stopped when she saw the room. He’d already stoked the fire so it burned hot. He’d lit candles everywhere so there were no shadows to hide within. It was important to him that there were no misunderstandings between them tonight or any night. It was time to lay his cards on the table and see what his chances were. He locked the door behind them and drew her to the fire.
Meredith’s whiskey-colored eyes glowed as she looked up at him, firelight reflected in their depths. “Hardly proper,” she admonished.
“You’ve had over a month of proper. Do you want to continue with that nonsense?” He brushed his fingers against her nape, brushing the short-cropped hair aside gently. He didn’t mind it so much anymore. The unique look suited her character very much. Prim or not, she tempted him a thousand times a day. Keeping his passions hidden had been a strain, but he hoped after tonight he wouldn’t need to anymore.
“No,” she whispered.