Meredith couldn’t be certain, but she had an idea that Cunningham was smirking. He must expect her to lose. Foolish man. When Meredith could no longer hear Cunningham, she turned on Gray. “Why did you not stay away? Do you want me to leave because the gossip is so thick that I lose everyone’s respect?”
Grayling struggled out of his boots and then, to her surprise, sat cross-legged at the foot of the bed so the chessboard sat between them. “Do you know what I discovered just now?”
Meredith crossed her arms over her chest. “I cannot imagine.”
“I’d much rather fight with you than anyone else.” His expression turned teasing. “I’d much rather do a great many things with you than with anyone else. But sadly, this bed is too small.”
He glanced at each side of the narrow bed and then around the room.
“I thought you were here because of the blow to my head.”
Gray, finished with his inspection, set the carved chess pieces in place. “There is that, but there are days when a man desires a woman’s company, no matter the cost.”
Meredith’s heart skipped a beat. She placed a hand on her stomach to steady herself. “Please remember that when I’m dismissed for misconduct. I’d like an excellent letter of recommendation for my next position.”
“Oh, I doubt I’ll ever dismiss you.” His smile returned, but he kept his gaze on the board. “Let me ask you a question. How does the very proper, very lovely Meredith Clark feel about spending even more time with her employer? Because I have to tell you, seeing you in bed, seeing you anywhere about the hall, in fact, brings to mind that we made a very poor bargain. We are very similar creatures, you and I. We are both used to acquiring our heart’s desire.”
“We’re nothing alike.”
“Oh, I beg to differ.” He offered a dazzling smile. “And I aim to convince you to give me, us, another chance.” He swung a garnet bracelet before her face. The gemstones winked prettily in the afternoon light and Meredith almost reached to catch them. She held back but the cost was high. She was well aware that a man gave gems to his mistress or his wife. Never to a governess. He was cruel to tease her like this. “To what end?”
“You’ll see.” He tucked the trinket back into his coat pocket and then tipped his head at the board. His brows rose, mocking her chances of winning. “Let’s see just how far you will go to get what you want and what else might be claimed in the process. It’s your move, sweetheart.”
“I’m not your sweetheart,” she grumbled.
Grayling shook his head. “You see, even that name doesn’t suit you. I’m definitely going to need the real one. No matter how long it takes.”
CHAPTER 18
SNOW CRUNCHED BENEATH thick boots as Constantine trudged across the grounds of Stanton Harold Hall in search of forgiveness. He had not enjoyed or looked forward to Christmas since the day his wife had died and he wanted this year to be different. Augusta had died today, exactly two years ago, and the cheer the season had once evoked had fled with her.
Yet this morning, Christmas Eve, had dawned clear and bright and full of hope. He glanced up at the crystal-blue sky and smiled. The world outside his windows, his domain, had beckoned him to explore during the brief lull between snowstorms to clear his conscience, to make peace with his past and prepare for the future.
A future he wanted very much, no matter the cost to his social standing.
The snow was thickly piled on the earthen path, but he knew where he was going and trudged the short distance with sure steps. He’d walked this path countless times in the past, more so in the past two years. The Lynch Gate stood open and he passed beneath the snow-covered structure, pausing momentarily to glance around the shrouded cemetery. It was as if he’d stepped into another world. A world where hopes and dreams must end.
He walked past the grave markers of his ancestors, some grand, others tilting beneath the weight of age and snow. His parents’ graves were side by side and he passed them by with a momentary pang. They’d had years together, not always civil, but together, none the less, passing away within months of the other. He’d always thought he’d have the same life.
The one he wanted was farther back, a few more steps to the right.
He paused when he reached his destination and glanced down at the snow-covered plot.
Here lies Augusta Regina Hunt. Beloved wife and mother. Forever young.
Constantine stepped around the grave and brushed snow from the headstone. “The weather has cleared, my love. Just in time for Christmas.”
He clutched the headstone briefly and then stepped back, pulling his greatcoat closer about him as a light wind stirred the cold air. He removed his hat. “The new governess has done what she can to mend their broken hearts, but our daughters still miss you. They always will. You should see Willow now. You always said she’d be a beauty, and I see more of you in her eyes every day. She will cause me no end of trouble with the fellows when she’s grown enough to have her coming out.”
Lord help him. If Willow grew to be as beautiful as her mother, then he would have to always keep his dueling pistols primed and ready once she came of age. Constantine stared at the distant snow-dusted woods. “Maisy is completely unlike her elder sister. You picked her nature to perfection when she was little. Miss Mischief. She’s still hiding under tables despite the governess’s best efforts to keep her on her feet. I may have to pry her out into the light when it’s her time to be a debutante. I wonder what she’ll make of society’s strictures. I don’t know how she’ll survive all those rules.”
He laughed as he imagined the trouble coming his way. “I always wondered how you would cope with them, but it seemed God had other plans for us both. I’m sorry, love. I never should have got another child on you. I put your life in danger. But as you pointed out, I needed an heir. I still do.”
Constantine glanced down at the gravestone again. “Poppy is so beautiful. The gift you left to me fills the space in my heart I never knew existed. I’ve struggled with my joy and sadness so often when I hold her. You never got a chance. She’s the sweetest of all our children and she needs more love than I can give. I’m not enough for her. Not enough for all of them.”
He curled his hands into fists. “I’ve missed you so badly these past years. Do you remember how we were together? Snugly curled about each other in your bed every night, sneaking away from our guests to kiss or make love. We had a good marriage. You were the mother of my children, but you also became a good friend. No one could ever know how much your absence has cut into my soul. Marrying you was the best thing that ever happened to me. I treasured our life together.”
He took a deep breath, ready to say what he’d been struggling not to admit these past weeks. “But that life is gone. I have to accept it and move on.”