But Fanny could only be hurt if she lost someone she truly cared about. She couldn’t bear to lose Jeremy. It would hurt so very m
uch.
Jeremy, however, was frowning. “Why would you think you would lose me?”
Accident, misadventure, recklessness. “It’s complicated.”
“Isn’t everything and everyone.” He drew close. “I’m an orphan who has no idea where he came from. A youth who took advantage of anyone too lazy to guard their pockets.” He gulped. “A fully grown man in his prime who can’t even read, let alone understand the contract he signed with you.”
Her eyes widened in shock. “What?”
“I’ve spent my life pretending to be someone I’m not,” he said as he looked around them. “I am still pretending even today. I was a thief, Fanny. Now I’m playing the role of a gentleman, at home in such a glorious place. But I don’t belong here.”
“Yes, you do.” She wet her lips again. “You belong with me. You stole my heart, Jeremy, a feat I believed impossible for so many years. I don’t want to lose you. There is a way forward.”
He sighed. “You never give up, do you.”
“Not when I’m right,” she vowed. She had been right about Jeremy in the beginning but had lost his trust when he’d expressed a different view of their relationship. Her money would never go away, and she felt it best to deal with that immediately. “I have money enough to last for the rest of our lives.”
“I don’t want charity, Fanny,” he told her as he took hold of her trembling hands. “You should be with someone who will worship the ground you walk on, not your money.”
“Then be with me. Not because you have no choice but because you do,” she whispered.
“I have nothing to give you but a fortune in stolen moments like this.”
“Those are enough,” she promised. “Share them with me. Please.”
“I’ve told you before that begging is beneath you.” He scowled. “I never cared about your money, Fanny. I need to deserve a place at your side. I’d do anything you want to make you happy. Take on any role, as long as you do not try to pay me a fortune to do so.”
“I can promise that.”
“I had harbored a small hope that we might reconcile, and I have given the future some consideration as you’ve always urged me to do. Your father tried to put grand ideas in my head but I will make this very easy for you.” He pulled a much-folded sheet of paper from his inner coat pocket. “I have taken the liberty of writing down what I feel I might need as an allowance each year to keep pace with you. Only for clothing and such. I want never to be an embarrassment to you or your family. If you feel I’ve made a mistake, please do correct my mathematics. I am not very good at finance, as you will find out soon enough.”
Fanny didn’t want to read the paper. She dreaded what she might find there. A husband could spend a fortune in one night of gambling.
But Jeremy seemed quite insistent, pushing the paper at her hand until she had to take it and read it.
The handwriting was inelegant, and every line sloped off toward the bottom of the page. She could read it, but only just.
A servant. Modest clothing allowance each year. A few pounds’ pin money each quarter.
And that was all he asked for.
Fanny read the paper again, nearly disbelieving, and tears filled her eyes that Jeremy believed such a frugal sum could ever be considered excessive. It was too good to be true, but as she looked at him, she knew he meant never to be a burden.
In truth, he could have asked for ten times more than he had, and she’d willingly pay it, just to have the honor of being his. “Where would you like to live?”
Fanny had a large townhouse in London, the Rivers country estate near Bath, and another property overlooking the sea in Brighton that she hardly ever visited. Letterford and his bride would holiday there this year, but the next could be for them. They could go sea bathing and enjoy the solitude. But they would have to spend the season in London. The rest of the year could be lived anywhere, as long as they could be together.
“That is something I could not fathom. Of course, I want to be near you, but finding a room for a bachelor in Mayfair is an undertaking you might have to help me with. I don’t know how close is close enough to suit you, or how great the cost might be.”
The cost would be nothing to her, but she didn’t want to pay for someone else to house him.
Jeremy living in her house would suit her best.
In her bed, always.
Forever.