The girl looked at her with an expression of awe. “You fence, too?”
“I did once, but I grew out of it. My brothers taught me a little, and I learned the rest by watching them.”
The girl wriggled forward on her chair. “Papa doesn’t really like me talking about it, but would you teach me?”
Rebecca considered the girl and nodded slowly. “I have some free time after luncheon.”
Lady Ava bounced in her chair. “Thank you! I don’t know how I will be able to wait. You won’t forget me will you?”
Rebecca wondered how often others had forgotten this girl and disappointed her. She reached out and brushed her hand over the girl’s long hair. It should be tied up neatly to spare her the pain of knots forming. She needed a mother. Rafferty should have remarried years ago. “I’ll collect you myself when everything is ready. I promise.”
Rebecca turned as she heard the sound of footsteps rushing toward them. As they grew louder, she knew who was coming. She smiled, and a few moments later the twins wrenched open the door, scanned the room and then sprinted to be the first to touch her.
“We found you, we found you!” they chanted. Then the pair grabbed her hands and tried to pull her away from Ava.
Rebecca resisted.
“Come on, Aunt Becca. We want to play again.”
“Gently,” she reminded them. “My dear boys.”
But these were not her children. She could only love them until it was time to hand them back. Even though they desperately needed mothering, Rebecca wasn’t the one that should. They were Samuel’s responsibility, and one day he should remarry. She hoped he would soon. He wouldn’t be alone then.
Not like she was bound to be.
Rebecca had trouble breathing for a moment as the truth hit her hard.
Rafferty was right. The choices she’d been making with her life would ensure she would always be alone.
Rebecca depended on herself and herself alone. She had relished her independence since becoming a widow. Rebecca could go anywhere, do anything, and say almost anything without having to account for her actions.
But it could be a very lonely life. She had made friends but sometimes friends were not enough. She had good reason to mistrust gentlemen, but when she did she was also denying herself the life she was born for.
Rebecca sucked in a sharp breath. She could not allow that to happen, and there was no good reason she must remain alone for the rest of her life.
The children were watching her with a worried expression so she smiled at the twins and then smoothed their untidy hair one more time. “Why don’t you pair go and find your father and ask him to play with you?”
“But we want you!”
“Not today, my darlings.” She looked at Lady Ava, motherless and lonely—just as she was. They could be friends, as Lord Rafferty suggested, but that was not enough for either of the
m. It was time to stop hiding from the risk of being hurt.
The guests would be going in for luncheon soon, and Rebecca would be rejoining the party. She would enjoy herself—and see if the earl was truly interested in her. “I have somewhere I need to be soon.”
The youngest of the pair eased onto her lap, pouting. “Are you tired of us like Aunt Fanny is?”
“Oh, never believe I could be tired of you pair of rascals.” Rebecca pulled them to her and hugged them fiercely. “I will always love you both. Never doubt that.”
She released them but grabbed their little hands. “How about we go and find your father together? Perhaps he can be persuaded to take you swimming. You still like getting wet, don’t you?”
“Oh, yes. Yes!”
She gestured to Lord Rafferty’s daughter. “Lady Ava, would you like to come outside with us?”
“Yes, but what will Papa say if he sees me`?”
She smiled. “I’m sure Rafferty will not mind just this once.”