I’d always assumed that he was just determinedly single. To think that he actually wants to be someone’s boyfriend—
It rocks the very foundation of who I thought he was.
Of who I thought we were.
It doesn’t make sense. Nothing makes sense anymore.
“You’re really going to date Lori?” I try to keep the bitchy note out of my tone, but fail miserably.
“What the hell is with this double standard?” he asks, pushing to his feet, his expression full-on angry now.
“What double standard?” I get to my feet as well so we’re facing off.
“The one where you get to have the boyfriend and the best friend, but I’m only allowed to have you?”
“No!” I say. “That’s not what that is, I just thought—”
He crosses his arms. “What? What did you think?”
I wince at his icy tone, but I can’t respond, because the answer that’s on the tip of my tongue will destroy us.
Because the crazy thought that keeps going through my head is that I can’t fathom the fact that Ben’s been waiting for the right girl…
Because it means that I’m not her.
All this time, I’ve never let myself think of Ben as boyfriend material, because I thought that he didn’t want that.
But that isn’t it at all.
He just doesn’t want me.
Which is fine. I don’t want him, either. I mean, we’re just friends who—
“Oh my God.” I squeeze my eyes shut. “We did it.”
“Did what?” His voice is still irritated.
I force myself to meet his dark eyes. “We messed up our friendship. We complicated it with sex.”
“That, or you complicated it by deciding to get back together with your asshole ex-boyfriend.”
“Hey!” I point a finger at him. “That is not fair. I asked your opinion on that, and you said—”
“It shouldn’t matter what I say!” Ben shouts. “You either want Lance, or you want—”
He breaks off, and rubs both hands through his hair, but I step forward. “I want Lance or I want whom?” I press.
It’s crazy how much I want him to finish that sentence.
Instead his arms drop to his side and his eyes shutter. “This is fucking nuts. I’m getting out of here.”
“Great plan. Run away when things get tough,” I say snidely. “I can see Lori’s a lucky girl. You’re going to make a really great boyfriend.”
Ben looks up then, and his eyes are ice-cold. Colder than I’ve ever seen them.
“I’ve got one word for you, Parker, but know that when I say it, I’m not saying that I want to go back to how things were before we were fuck buddies. When I say it, I’m saying that I don’t want to go back at all.”
I feel a stab of panic. “Ben—”