His eyebrows furrowed. “Are you going to tell me what happened?”
I wracked my brain for something that wouldn’t make him flip out. At least the kiss had calmed him down. “He just said something about the Shythe, Jace.” I held his eyes. “It was stupid. I don’t even know what he said now that made me so mad.”
His eyes studied me a moment before he nodded. “I get that.” He feathered a loose strand behind my ear. “You really want to go? Are you tired?”
“I’ve been working a lot of late nights on my project. I think my brain is fried.” I tilted my head. “Not to mention the late night get-togethers.”
“True.” He smiled easily. “I’ll tell Lana and Nick we’re heading back early.”
I watched him walk off, my heart slamming into my feet. What had I done? I’d just confirmed that we were together. A couple. I’d watched Reese’s reaction. I didn’t know if he was jealous, or pissed because I’d thrown kissing Jace back in his face. Whatever his feelings were toward me, he was furious now. There was no hope. I’d killed us for good.
Jace walked me to the girls’ wing of the Academy, and we stopped before the spiraling staircase. I still couldn’t ride the lift alone. He leaned forward, his fingers lifting my face to his.
“I know things are weird,” he said. “I think after a while it’ll fall into place. I still look at you most days and imagine the best way to take you down.” He laughed. “But now, I don’t feel as bad fantasizing about kissing you, either.”
My face burned. “Well, yeah, but I think we know who has the upper hand. You’re not letting me win at practice, are you?”
“No,” he said, placing a kiss on my forehead. “You do have mad skills. Trust me, I struggle to keep up with you.”
“Thanks, you’re not so bad, though, for a guy.” I cocked my head. “By the way, I told my mom I’d stop by and visit with her tomorrow.”
Jace nodded once. “We should probably go see our parents, too.” He dipped his head, his eyes finding mine. “Later, though?”
“Yeah. We’ll get together.”
He moved forward and placed a gentle kiss on my lips. I tried to match his tenderness, but my mind kept flashing to the angry expression on Reese’s face. I leaned into the kiss, giving him what I had left of myself before pulling back.
We said goodnight, and I bounded up the staircase to my room. After changing into my pajamas, I lay on my bed, staring at the currents flickering inside the crystals along the wall. They moved so rapidly, it was hard to distinguish one from the other as they blended together, only to separate again.
I felt like I was one giant current, pulling away from myself, blending, and then falling away again. I closed my eyes, wishing for sleep.
The next day, I took the steam trolley to my mom’s. We spent the day in our unit, lazing around and talking. She seemed much weaker, but I tried not to reveal how concerned I was. She never wanted me to worry about her. I wished she could find a better placement than the factory, but she maintained it was her only option. The factory didn’
t require occupational documents from the Academy, documents that held her work options as well as her real name.
It felt comforting to be home. I almost didn’t want to leave. There, I didn’t have to think about Jace, Reese, the Narcos, or the situation at the Academy. I could just lay around and pretend everything was right. I was safe, like my mom had always wanted. What she’d spent seventeen years fearing was no longer an issue. As far as she was concerned, I’d gone through the change, survived, and could conceal my identity. So I put on a happy façade for her, allowing one of us to enjoy my life.
Basking in my contentment, I’d messaged Jace, telling him I planned to spend the rest of the weekend with my mom—blaming her previously overprotective behavior—and I’d be back at the Academy late Sunday night.
He believed me. Why wouldn’t he? My mom had always been overbearing. Though this was the first time I’d actually lied about it, wishing she’d relapse into her old ways and bar me from the Academy. One more week of watching Reese with the Shythe girl and having to fake a smile around Jace, and I might snap.
By the following week, I was back to immersing myself in my studies. I was getting closer to figuring out a solution to my shape-shifting dilemma. I wanted to devote my time to it fully, but Jace was growing suspicious of my constant school obsession. I’d never been one to devote this much time to work during high school. But I assured him that I was intensely interested in our Shythe power because I wanted to secure a good placement in a year’s time.
He backed off a little, giving me space. We were all somewhat different after the change, so he probably believed my newfound work fixation was part of the new me. Jace seemed content around me, and he rested his Narco conspiracy theories. I guess Nick was right about him calming down if he had a girlfriend. We still trained, but only once a week now. And only for fun.
Reese continued ignoring me and spending time with the Shythe girl. I didn’t care to learn her name. There was nothing to say or do about that. I’d blown it. But I soon realized that it hadn’t been all my fault. He’d blown it, too. In my heart, I knew we were supposed to be together. But he couldn’t get past seeing me kiss Jace, and I couldn’t bring myself to forgive him for rejecting me so fully.
I flashed between emotions, ranging from hurt to betrayal to anger, back to hurt, and then finally anger again. My emotions were taking a toll on my power, draining me. And that realization had finally been the key to cracking my project.
Friday morning, before my first block, I met with Mr. Liam in the chemistry room. He set my crystal onto the transfer panel and turned on the device.
“Actually,” I said, “can I try something before we do the normal infuse?”
Mr. Liam shrugged. “Sure, it’s your project.”
I reached over and turned off the machine. In order to infuse crystals with Charge, we had to draw a crystal’s natural energy out. Then it was like an empty void, waiting to be filled with our power. But I realized instead of draining the crystal, I needed to connect with its energy—not extinguish it. I needed to find harmony with the elements around me.
I’d realized that my emotions and desires were able to dictate my power. It was the same as when Reese felt an emotion and wasn’t guarding himself, his eyes changed color. There was something different about us. I had to figure out if that difference could help me control my shift.